Patience and Charity
The soul of Christian patience is charity; only love can make us endure and overcome sadness for the loss or delay of a good. And this love should result in confidence as children of God.
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We must be charitable and patient with the persons we deal with daily. Sometimes, they may have defects, even big sins.... But a sick person is not yet a corpse ready for the cemetery. Let us cure him by giving him the appropriate treatment. We have–in the Church–all the medicine we need to cure any sickness.
But we must apply the treatment with charity and patience. Otherwise it will not attain its effect. If we take away patience, charity withers away. There is no true charity without a patience that endures everything. When these two virtues are found together, everything is endured joyfully.
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Charity accomplishes everything. Without it, there’s “nothing doing.”
Love, then, is the secret of your life. Love; suffer gladly; toughen up your soul; invigorate your will; link your self-surrender tightly to the Will of God, and with this you will be effective. (St. Josemaría Escrivá, The Forge, 100)
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Patience must be shown toward loved ones. Without patience, love for them can turn into the worst kind of hatred. That is why “charity is kind.” Charity leads us to endure the weaknesses of the others with patience; thus, it also leads us to love them with unceasing kindness. “Let all bitterness, anger, indignation, commotion, and blasphemy be put away from you, with all malice,”... because you can put away outward bitterness yet maintain malice. (St Gregory the Great, Book of Pastoral Care, III, 9)
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It is sometimes a duty to feel annoyed; sometimes, a weakness. But let it last only for a few minutes. And always with charity, with affection. (St. Josemaría Escrivá, Furrow, 821)
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How to Admonish the Impatient and the Patient
The impatient must be warned that their impatience is leading them to act as if not knowing what they are doing, only to feel regret when later they realize what they have done. Tell them that, under the impulse of their impatience, they have behaved other than they are. In their agitation, they have nullified the good they may have done.
Charity is lost when one is impatient; “charity is patient.” Therefore, when patience is lacking, there is no charity. And since patience is the nurse of knowledge, the impatient man cannot acquire knowledge. The less patient a man proves to be, the less instructed does he show himself to be. An impatient man cannot truly learn what is good. (St Gregory the Great, Book of Pastoral Care, III, 9)
Patience When Confronting the Defects of Others
There are occasions where we are confronted with persons having an opposite point of view or opinion, or having undeniable defects. Instead of getting upset, these are opportunities to exercise the virtue of patience.
Besides, God does not cease warning and guiding us. If God is so patient with us, shall we not be patient with the others?
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Through patience, the good earth yields good fruits; our good works have no value if we are intolerant of our neighbors’ faults. (St Gregory the Great, Hom. 15 On the Gospels)
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As long as we deal with men, we shall never lack in occasions where we are confronted with persons having an opposite point of view or opinion. The constant contact makes it inevitable. Do not make these differences a reason to avoid their company. (Cassian, Inst., 9, 7)
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We must support those that we correct, and correct those that we support. (St Gregory the Great, Hom. 17 On the Gospels)
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Whenever we have contact with other people we will encounter opportunities to exercise the virtue of patience. This is certainly the case when we help people to receive spiritual formation or when we tend to people who are sick. Let us always be understanding about the defects of others. So many of our neighbors are sincerely trying to improve. They may be trying to master an unfortunate temperament, a lack of education, or mistaken notions.
If some of our friends habitually give in to their defects, this can have an upsetting effect on us. We may then give way to our impatience and thereby damage our friendship, perhaps irreparably. Charity will help us to be patient with others and to correct people when necessary.
When we get flustered, though, let us not react right away. We should take a deep breath, smile, do whatever has to be done, and take our concerns to the Sacred Heart. Jesus looks upon our struggle with great sympathy and compassion. (F. Fernández Carvajal, In Conversation with God, 5, 94)
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There will always be faults in ourselves, and faults in others, which defy correction; we should put up with them, till God arranges things differently. After all, it may be the best possible way of knowing yourself and testing your patience; and without patience a man’s merit amounts to very little. At the same time, you do well to pray about such annoyances; ask God in his mercy to help you bear them calmly.
You do well to cultivate patience in putting up with the shortcomings, the limitations, and weaknesses of other people; only think how much they have to put up with in you!
When you make such a failure of organizing your own life, how can you expect everybody else to be perfect? (Thomas a Kempis, Imitation of Christ, I,16,1-2)
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Continue making the same exhortation, and never lazily. Always act with kindness and refinement.... Have you noticed how the painters keep on erasing part of their sketches and patiently redoing it, or endlessly retouch here and there until they have a perfect, lovely portrait?
Don’t be outclassed by painters. If they devote such care to the reproduction of a bodily image, it is all the more compelling that we should leave no stone unturned to shape patiently our soul–or any soul–after the perfect image of Christ. (St John Chrysostom, Homilies On St Matthew’s Gospel, 30)
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Sometimes we establish friendship with another person; the motive may be some relationship: because he is an acquaintance, because of common interests, for neighborhood, or for any motive. But the real motive should be supernatural–sanctity–because they are also children of the Church.
But what do you do? Do you call your brother “worthless”? And are you not ashamed–don’t you blush–of exposing your brother, your fellow member of the Body of Christ, him who shares the same birth with you, who has participated of the same sacred table?
If you had a brother of the flesh and he had done ten thousand evil deeds, you would try to hide his faults; you would share his shame willingly. Try to do likewise with your spiritual brother. Free him from slander, rather than heaping ten thousand accusations on him.
-”He is worthless and insufferable,” you say.
-Precisely for this reason, become his friend, to help him put an end to being so. You will convert him and lead him back to virtue.
-”But he does not obey,” you say, “and he does not accept any advice.”
-How do you know? Have you tried to talk to him and give him some help?
-”I have warned him several times,” you say.
-How many times?
-Oftentimes; I talked to him once, and a second time.
-Oh! Is this often? If you were doing this all the time, should you grow weary and give up? Don’t you see how God is always warning us? He guides us by the prophets, the apostles, and the evangelists. What then? Have we done everything as he demanded? Have we been obedient in all things? By no means. Did God cease to guide us? Did he stop being patient with us? No.
Jesus said, “You cannot serve God and mammon,” and yet, how many are busy only in increasing their personal pleasure with superfluous caprices, and become subjects of the tyranny of wealth?
He said, “Forgive, and you shall have forgiveness,” and yet, we often become wild beasts and worse still.
He told us to restrain desire and to keep the mastery over wicked lust, and how many wallow worse than swine in this sin?
But, nevertheless, God does not cease warning and guiding us. If God is so patient with us, shall we not be patient with the others? (St John Chrysostom, Homilies On St Matthew’s Gospel, 59)
Patience with Those Who Treat Us Unjustly
Patience and serenity are particularly meritorious when practiced toward those who make us suffer. Only then will these virtues be truly supernatural, without any admixture of vain sensibility. These virtues are a sign of having the right intention and a supernatural outlook; they often have a profound effect on a violent, irritated neighbor, disarming him.
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Our Lord did not say, “If someone has injured you, do not seek vengeance,” but, “Give yourself to him who injures you.” This is a true act of compassion that is well understood by those who are serving some much loved person, such as sons, little children, the insane, or any sick loved one. Those who take care of the sick must be ready to suffer to no small degree, and patiently endure even more, if necessary, until the day that the infirmity caused by illness or age is overcome.
The Lord is the physician of souls; following Jesus’ footsteps, every Christian is tasked to cure his brethren. What else could Jesus do but to inculcate in us that we should bear with equanimity the weaknesses of those whose salvation we are trying to obtain? (St Augustine, On the Sermon on the Mount, 1)
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Maintain always true humility of heart; it consists, not in demonstrations and artificial speech, but in a profound abasement of the soul. This humility is revealed through patience, which is its consequence and its most evident sign. I am not talking of being patient when others accuse you of crimes that no one would believe, but of remaining calm when you face insolent accusations, and of enduring offenses with meekness and serenity. (Cassian, Collationes, 18, 11)
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True patience and tranquility of soul can only be acquired and consolidated with a profound humility of heart. Virtues flowing from such a spring need not be kept in the retirement of a cell or in the shelter of solitude. In fact, they do not need an external buttress if they are internally supported by humility, the mother and safeguard of all virtues. But if we feel offended when provoked, it is a sign that the foundations of our humility are not stable. (Cassian, Collationes, 18, 13)
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So you’ve been hauled over the coals? Don’t follow the advice of pride and lose your temper. Think: How charitable they are toward me! The things they’ve left unsaid! (St. Josemaría Escrivá, The Way, 698)
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Jesus Christ himself, who new the malice of the Pharisees, was patient with them, to win them over, as a good physician bestows more attention to, and prescribes the strongest medicine for, the most gravely ill. (St Cyril, in Catena Aurea, 4)
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The beginning and the end of Judas’ betrayal were both associated with Christ as the Bread of Life. The first record of the betrayal of Judas was not at the Last Supper, but when our Blessed Lord announced himself as the Bread of Life at the beginning of his public life. St John tells us: “Jesus knew from the first which were those who did not believe, and which of them was to betray him” (Jn 6:65).
The hand on the dial was already pointing to the hour of his death; from that moment on, our Blessed Lord endured the presence of the one who would betray him. (F. J. Sheen, Life of Christ)
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One of the strongest expressions of the sorrows of our Lord was used during the Last Supper to describe Jesus’ love for Judas and his freely willed doom: “Jesus was troubled in spirit and testified, ‘I tell you the truth, one of you is going to betray me’” (Jn 13:21). The “one of you” was one whose feet he had washed, one whom he called to the apostolic office of spreading his Church throughout the world after the coming of his Spirit, one whose presence he suffered so patiently that no one of the other apostles knew who it was. “His disciples stared at one another, at a loss to know which of them he meant” (Jn 13:22).
Humanly speaking, it would seem that our Lord should have thundered out his denunciation of Judas, but rather in a last attempt to save him he used the bread of fellowship. “Jesus replied, ‘The one who has dipped his hand into the bowl with me will betray me’” (Mt 26:23).
Evil men seem to run counter to the economy of God and to be an errant thread on the tapestry of life, but they all fit some way into the divine plan. The wild wind roars from the black heavens, and somewhere there is a sail to catch it and yoke it to the useful service of man. (F. J. Sheen, Life of Christ)
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The bread given to Judas must have burned his lips, as the thirty pieces of silver later on would burn his hands. A few minutes before, the hands of the Son of God had washed the feet of Judas; now the same divine hands touch the lips of Judas with a morsel; in a few hours, the lips of Judas will kiss the lips of our Lord in the final act of betrayal. The divine Mediator, knowing all that would befall him, gave the order to Judas to open the curtain wider on the tragedy of Calvary. What Judas was to do, let him do quickly. The Lamb of God was ready for sacrifice.
The divine mercy did not identify the traitor, for our Lord hid from the apostles the fact that the betrayer was Judas. The world that loves to spread scandals–even those that are untrue–is here reversed even in the hiding of what is true. When others saw Judas leave, they assumed it was because he was on a mission of charity, or buying what was needed for the feast.
But Judas, instead of going to buy, went out to sell; nor was it to the poor he would minister, but to the rich in charge of the temple treasury.
Even though our blessed Lord knew the evil intention of Judas, he nevertheless acted kindly because he would bear the ignominy alone.
Jesus knew who would believe him not and who would betray him, yet this did not harden his Sacred Heart. Judas rejected the last appeal, and from that time on there was only despair in his heart. (F. J. Sheen, Life of Christ)
An Eye for an Eye?
“Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?’ Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy‑seven times’” (Mt 18:21-22).
Jesus is teaching us to be patient with the weaknesses of the others, in the same measure that God has forgiven us. God has forgiven us many offenses. We have no right to harbor resentment against anyone. We have to learn to forgive with all our heart. Our pardon should be sincere, profound, and prompt.
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Sometimes we feel hurt for no objective reason, but only because our self-love has been bruised. If we have indeed been seriously offended, we must remember our own serious transgressions against the Lord.
Christ “does not accept the offering of those who foster division. He sends them away from the altar to make peace and achieve reconciliation. God wants to be given prayer of peace. His greatest objective is our peace, social harmony, and the unity of the faithful in the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.”1
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The parable of the unforgiving servant shows how easy it is to forgive. The servant who owed his master ten thousand talents signifies the man who has sinned against God. The ten thousand talents signify the enormity or grievousness of the sin. The co-servant who owed the unforgiving servant one hundred talents signifies the man who has sinned against man; the one hundred talents signify the lightness of such sins. (St John Chrysostom, Homilies on St Matthew’s Gospel)
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The kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.
The servant fell on his knees before him. “Be patient with me,” he begged, “and I will pay back everything.”
The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt, and let him go. (Mt 18:23-27).
Considering the ten thousand talents, let us at least hasten to pardon our neighbors their few and unimportant debts. For we, too, have to give an account of the observance of the commandments entrusted to us, and of the use of our talents. We owe God a great debt. None of us can pay it.
But God has given us a way to repay. It is easy and practical: to be patient with the others, to forgive as God has forgiven us. (St John Chrysostom, Homilies on St Matthew’s Gospel)
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The master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.
Why? Not out of cruelty or callousness, but out of unspeakable tenderness did he decide so. After all, the material loss would fall on himself, because the slave’s wife was his slave, too.
The servant fell on his knees before him. “Be patient with me,” he begged, “and I will pay back everything.”
The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt, and let him go.
The master’s purpose was not to sell the slave, but to alarm him by this threat, so that the slave would come to him with supplication. If the master wanted merely to sell the slave, he would not have consented to his request, neither would he have granted the favor.
But why, then, did the master not cancel the debt before the settlement or immediately after rendering the account? The master was making the slave aware of the huge obligation he was being delivered from, so that the slave will learn to be mild toward his fellow servant. (St John Chrysostom, Homilies on St Matthew’s Gospel, 61)
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The master was moved with compassion, loosed him, and forgave him the debt. Do you notice the master’s benevolence? The slave asked only for a delay in the payment; the master gave more than asked, remission and cancellation of the entire debt.
The master wanted to forgive from the beginning, but he did not desire that the gift may be only his, he wanted that it may be worked also by the petition of the slave, so that the slave may be crowned also. He wanted the slave to be seen as contributing something, to spare him from shame. Finally, the master wanted the slave–schooled in these hardships–to be compassionate toward the other fellow servants.
Up to this point, the slave appears good and acceptable. He confessed, promised to pay, fell on his knees, begged, condemned his own misdeeds, and acknowledged the greatness of the debt. But the sequel is unworthy of his repentance.
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Even after this lesson, When that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him and began to choke him. “Pay back what you owe me!” he demanded (Mt 18:28).
The benefit received was still fresh upon him, yet he abused with malice the gift and freedom granted to him by his master.
If the master had not disciplined him beforehand, into what depth of cruelty would have the slave fallen?
The sin of the unforgiving servant was that he did not forgive the insignificant sins of his co-servant. His sin became worse when he choked the co-servant; and it was made ten times more grievous because he threw the co-servant into prison until he could pay. In the same way did the master treat him as he had treated his neighbor.
God will treat you in exactly the same way as you have treated your neighbor. Let us then be patient and forgiving if we want to obtain mercy from God. (St John Chrysostom, Homilies on St Matthew’s Gospel)
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What did the second slave say? His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, “Be patient with me, and I will pay you back” (Mt 18:29).
Do you see the master’s goodness? Do you see the slave’s cruelty? The slave did not pay attention to these words; the same words by which he was delivered from the debt of ten thousand talents. He did not recognize the harbor by which he escaped from shipwreck; the gesture of supplication did not remind him of his master’s kindness. He put away from him all these considerations. Covetous, cruel, and revengeful, he was more brutal than any wild beast, seizing his fellow servant by the throat.
We must tell him, “What are you doing, man? Don’t you realize that you are thrusting a sword into yourself, and revoking your master’s sentence and the gift?” But none of these things did he consider. He did not remember his own state; he did not yield.
But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt (Mt 18:30)
The one owed ten thousand talents; the other, a hundred denarii. The one owed them to his lord; the other to his fellow servant. The one received entire forgiveness; the other, begging for a delay, was cast into prison.
When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened (Mt 18:31)
Not even men accepted this impatience, much less God. Those who did not owe shared the grief. (St John Chrysostom, Homilies on St Matthew’s Gospel, 61)
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What did the master say? Then the master called the servant in. “You wicked servant,” he said, “I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?” (Mt 18:32-33)
See again the lord’s gentleness. He excuses himself at the point of revoking the gift; or rather, it was not he who revoked it, but the wicked servant with his impatience.
In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you, unless you forgive your brother from your heart (Mt 18:34-35). (St John Chrysostom, Homilies on St Matthew’s Gospel, 61)
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The gravity of a sin depends on three factors:
- On the dignity of the person offended. It is more grievous to offend God directly than to offend a man.
- On the number of times it has been committed. It is more grievous to sin ten times a day than once a day.
- On the capacity and blessings the sinner has received. The sins of those who have received many blessings from God are more grievous than the sins of those who have received less blessings.
Consider the sinner’s foolishness. When a man is watching us, we stand off and shrink from sinning. But when God sees us, we sin without fear.
Consider the ten thousand talents or even a greater sum we owe God, and compare it with the generous forgiveness God has granted us. We behave like fools either by sinning without limit, or by despairing of God’s mercy. We are wise when we judge rightly the gravity of our sins, and ponder on the power of true repentance. (St John Chrysostom, Homilies on St Matthew’s Gospel)
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Man is ungrateful. God gave us the sky, the sun, the stars, and the earth, when we were still in sin, unreconciled with him. Met with further ingratitude, God even gave us his Son, and made us sons of God; we were then enemies, unthankful, and unreconciled with him. Upon the rejection of his Son, God still gave us baptism and penance for the remission of sins and the attainment of eternal life.
Think, Christian soul, how great is your debt; meditate constantly on Christ’s commands, which you often have broken. To pay this great debt you are only required to forgive the petty debts of your neighbors. Shouldn’t you be patient with them, as God has been patient with you? (St John Chrysostom, Homilies on St Matthew’s Gospel)
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Let us examine our reaction when people “rub us the wrong way.” To follow Christ in ordinary life is to find in this very area a broad road to serenity. We should take care to avoid even the most minute fault against charity. The small contradictions of social life should not detract from our happiness.
If there comes a time when we have to forgive someone as the result of a serious offense, it is then we will do well to recall the behavior of Jesus who asked pardon for those who crucified him. We will thus savor the true love of God. Our heart will be enriched and expanded in its capacity to love. We cannot forget that “nothing makes us more like unto God than to be ever ready to pardon others.”2. Our generosity toward others will win for us the divine pardon. (F. Fernandez Carvajal, In Conversation with God, 5,41)
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If someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well (Mt 5:40).
Do you think this is a great thing? Wait and you will see that you have not reached perfection yet. God does not stop here. He is laying down the laws of patient endurance as he continues,
If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles (Mt 5:41).
Do you see here the climax of self-denial? After giving your tunic, you are told to give your cloak. And then, even your own body should be lent to render a service. Do not even count the person asking for that favor as an enemy, for God did not say, “Do not hate him,” but “Love him.” He did not say, “Do not harm him,” but, “Do good to him.” And still, something much greater is added. God did not simply command to love our enemies, but to pray for them. (St John Chrysostom, Homilies on St Matthew’s Gospel, 18)
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Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you. You have heard that it was said, “Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.” But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you (Mt 5:42-44).
Do you see how many steps God has ascended to place us at the summit of virtue? Mark them from the beginning:
-Do not commit injustice,
-Do not vindicate yourself with equal retaliation,
-Do not give to him who is annoying you the same treatment that you have suffered, but be calm,
-Give yourself up to suffer wrongs,
-Do not be afraid of suffering more,
-Do not hate the one who has done wrong to you,
-Even, love him,
-Do good to him also,
-Pray to God for him,
Do you see how high is the level of patience demanded from you? It is as high as the reward promised to you. (St John Chrysostom, Homilies on St Matthew’s Gospel, 18)
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Your Father in heaven causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous (Mt 5:45).
God’s patience is so far from hating that he even pours benefits on those who insult him. It is difficult for us to imitate him because of his excellent dignity. You may be despised by your fellow-slave, but God is despised by his slave, who–besides–has received so many benefits from him. You may utter words pardoning you enemy, but He kindles the sun, and gives us annual showers, and all sorts of marvelous gifts.
Do not hate the man who does wrong to you, for he is procuring you so many good things and bringing you so much honor. Do not curse the person who humiliates you; after undergoing the abuse, you may be deprived of the fruit; after bearing the loss, you may lose the reward. (St John Chrysostom, Homilies on St Matthew’s Gospel, 18)
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“But how is it possible,” one may inquire, “to forgive the man who abuses you?”
Having seen your God become man and suffer so much for your sake, do you not know how to forgive your fellow-servant? Do you still ask how? Do you not hear Him on the Cross, saying, “Forgive them, for they do not know what they do”? Do you not see how after the Cross, and the resurrection, your God sent the apostles to the Jews, who had slain him, to bring them the greatest blessings? And this knowing that the apostles had to suffer ten thousand terrors at their hands? (St John Chrysostom, Homilies on St Matthew’s Gospel, 18)
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Have you been gravely wronged? Still you have not endured like your Lord, bound, beaten with whips, with rods, spat upon by servants, enduring death–that shameful death–after so many favors imparted.
Even if you have been gravely wronged, do good to him; you will make your crown more glorious and set your brother free from his sickness. Do as the physicians do; even when they are kicked and attacked by the insane, they try to cure them, knowing that their fury is a consequence of the disease.
Help him to let go his anger, set him free from that grievous demon, wrath. The enraged are like the possessed, even more wretched than they, being mad with consciousness of it. Their frenzy is, thus, without excuse. (St John Chrysostom, Homilies on St Matthew’s Gospel, 18)
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If they annoy you fifty thousand times, that’s how often you have to forgive them.... Your patience has to get ahead of your bad feelings, wearing them out before they provoke more harm. (St John of Avila, Sermon 25, for the 25th Sunday after Pentecost)
Footnotes:
1 St Cyprian, Treatise on the Lord’s Prayer.
2 St John Chrysostom, Homilies on St Matthew’s Gospel, 19.
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We must be charitable and patient with the persons we deal with daily. Sometimes, they may have defects, even big sins.... But a sick person is not yet a corpse ready for the cemetery. Let us cure him by giving him the appropriate treatment. We have–in the Church–all the medicine we need to cure any sickness.
But we must apply the treatment with charity and patience. Otherwise it will not attain its effect. If we take away patience, charity withers away. There is no true charity without a patience that endures everything. When these two virtues are found together, everything is endured joyfully.
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Charity accomplishes everything. Without it, there’s “nothing doing.”
Love, then, is the secret of your life. Love; suffer gladly; toughen up your soul; invigorate your will; link your self-surrender tightly to the Will of God, and with this you will be effective. (St. Josemaría Escrivá, The Forge, 100)
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Patience must be shown toward loved ones. Without patience, love for them can turn into the worst kind of hatred. That is why “charity is kind.” Charity leads us to endure the weaknesses of the others with patience; thus, it also leads us to love them with unceasing kindness. “Let all bitterness, anger, indignation, commotion, and blasphemy be put away from you, with all malice,”... because you can put away outward bitterness yet maintain malice. (St Gregory the Great, Book of Pastoral Care, III, 9)
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It is sometimes a duty to feel annoyed; sometimes, a weakness. But let it last only for a few minutes. And always with charity, with affection. (St. Josemaría Escrivá, Furrow, 821)
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How to Admonish the Impatient and the Patient
The impatient must be warned that their impatience is leading them to act as if not knowing what they are doing, only to feel regret when later they realize what they have done. Tell them that, under the impulse of their impatience, they have behaved other than they are. In their agitation, they have nullified the good they may have done.
Charity is lost when one is impatient; “charity is patient.” Therefore, when patience is lacking, there is no charity. And since patience is the nurse of knowledge, the impatient man cannot acquire knowledge. The less patient a man proves to be, the less instructed does he show himself to be. An impatient man cannot truly learn what is good. (St Gregory the Great, Book of Pastoral Care, III, 9)
Patience When Confronting the Defects of Others
There are occasions where we are confronted with persons having an opposite point of view or opinion, or having undeniable defects. Instead of getting upset, these are opportunities to exercise the virtue of patience.
Besides, God does not cease warning and guiding us. If God is so patient with us, shall we not be patient with the others?
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Through patience, the good earth yields good fruits; our good works have no value if we are intolerant of our neighbors’ faults. (St Gregory the Great, Hom. 15 On the Gospels)
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As long as we deal with men, we shall never lack in occasions where we are confronted with persons having an opposite point of view or opinion. The constant contact makes it inevitable. Do not make these differences a reason to avoid their company. (Cassian, Inst., 9, 7)
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We must support those that we correct, and correct those that we support. (St Gregory the Great, Hom. 17 On the Gospels)
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Whenever we have contact with other people we will encounter opportunities to exercise the virtue of patience. This is certainly the case when we help people to receive spiritual formation or when we tend to people who are sick. Let us always be understanding about the defects of others. So many of our neighbors are sincerely trying to improve. They may be trying to master an unfortunate temperament, a lack of education, or mistaken notions.
If some of our friends habitually give in to their defects, this can have an upsetting effect on us. We may then give way to our impatience and thereby damage our friendship, perhaps irreparably. Charity will help us to be patient with others and to correct people when necessary.
When we get flustered, though, let us not react right away. We should take a deep breath, smile, do whatever has to be done, and take our concerns to the Sacred Heart. Jesus looks upon our struggle with great sympathy and compassion. (F. Fernández Carvajal, In Conversation with God, 5, 94)
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There will always be faults in ourselves, and faults in others, which defy correction; we should put up with them, till God arranges things differently. After all, it may be the best possible way of knowing yourself and testing your patience; and without patience a man’s merit amounts to very little. At the same time, you do well to pray about such annoyances; ask God in his mercy to help you bear them calmly.
You do well to cultivate patience in putting up with the shortcomings, the limitations, and weaknesses of other people; only think how much they have to put up with in you!
When you make such a failure of organizing your own life, how can you expect everybody else to be perfect? (Thomas a Kempis, Imitation of Christ, I,16,1-2)
***
Continue making the same exhortation, and never lazily. Always act with kindness and refinement.... Have you noticed how the painters keep on erasing part of their sketches and patiently redoing it, or endlessly retouch here and there until they have a perfect, lovely portrait?
Don’t be outclassed by painters. If they devote such care to the reproduction of a bodily image, it is all the more compelling that we should leave no stone unturned to shape patiently our soul–or any soul–after the perfect image of Christ. (St John Chrysostom, Homilies On St Matthew’s Gospel, 30)
***
Sometimes we establish friendship with another person; the motive may be some relationship: because he is an acquaintance, because of common interests, for neighborhood, or for any motive. But the real motive should be supernatural–sanctity–because they are also children of the Church.
But what do you do? Do you call your brother “worthless”? And are you not ashamed–don’t you blush–of exposing your brother, your fellow member of the Body of Christ, him who shares the same birth with you, who has participated of the same sacred table?
If you had a brother of the flesh and he had done ten thousand evil deeds, you would try to hide his faults; you would share his shame willingly. Try to do likewise with your spiritual brother. Free him from slander, rather than heaping ten thousand accusations on him.
-”He is worthless and insufferable,” you say.
-Precisely for this reason, become his friend, to help him put an end to being so. You will convert him and lead him back to virtue.
-”But he does not obey,” you say, “and he does not accept any advice.”
-How do you know? Have you tried to talk to him and give him some help?
-”I have warned him several times,” you say.
-How many times?
-Oftentimes; I talked to him once, and a second time.
-Oh! Is this often? If you were doing this all the time, should you grow weary and give up? Don’t you see how God is always warning us? He guides us by the prophets, the apostles, and the evangelists. What then? Have we done everything as he demanded? Have we been obedient in all things? By no means. Did God cease to guide us? Did he stop being patient with us? No.
Jesus said, “You cannot serve God and mammon,” and yet, how many are busy only in increasing their personal pleasure with superfluous caprices, and become subjects of the tyranny of wealth?
He said, “Forgive, and you shall have forgiveness,” and yet, we often become wild beasts and worse still.
He told us to restrain desire and to keep the mastery over wicked lust, and how many wallow worse than swine in this sin?
But, nevertheless, God does not cease warning and guiding us. If God is so patient with us, shall we not be patient with the others? (St John Chrysostom, Homilies On St Matthew’s Gospel, 59)
Patience with Those Who Treat Us Unjustly
Patience and serenity are particularly meritorious when practiced toward those who make us suffer. Only then will these virtues be truly supernatural, without any admixture of vain sensibility. These virtues are a sign of having the right intention and a supernatural outlook; they often have a profound effect on a violent, irritated neighbor, disarming him.
***
Our Lord did not say, “If someone has injured you, do not seek vengeance,” but, “Give yourself to him who injures you.” This is a true act of compassion that is well understood by those who are serving some much loved person, such as sons, little children, the insane, or any sick loved one. Those who take care of the sick must be ready to suffer to no small degree, and patiently endure even more, if necessary, until the day that the infirmity caused by illness or age is overcome.
The Lord is the physician of souls; following Jesus’ footsteps, every Christian is tasked to cure his brethren. What else could Jesus do but to inculcate in us that we should bear with equanimity the weaknesses of those whose salvation we are trying to obtain? (St Augustine, On the Sermon on the Mount, 1)
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Maintain always true humility of heart; it consists, not in demonstrations and artificial speech, but in a profound abasement of the soul. This humility is revealed through patience, which is its consequence and its most evident sign. I am not talking of being patient when others accuse you of crimes that no one would believe, but of remaining calm when you face insolent accusations, and of enduring offenses with meekness and serenity. (Cassian, Collationes, 18, 11)
***
True patience and tranquility of soul can only be acquired and consolidated with a profound humility of heart. Virtues flowing from such a spring need not be kept in the retirement of a cell or in the shelter of solitude. In fact, they do not need an external buttress if they are internally supported by humility, the mother and safeguard of all virtues. But if we feel offended when provoked, it is a sign that the foundations of our humility are not stable. (Cassian, Collationes, 18, 13)
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So you’ve been hauled over the coals? Don’t follow the advice of pride and lose your temper. Think: How charitable they are toward me! The things they’ve left unsaid! (St. Josemaría Escrivá, The Way, 698)
***
Jesus Christ himself, who new the malice of the Pharisees, was patient with them, to win them over, as a good physician bestows more attention to, and prescribes the strongest medicine for, the most gravely ill. (St Cyril, in Catena Aurea, 4)
***
The beginning and the end of Judas’ betrayal were both associated with Christ as the Bread of Life. The first record of the betrayal of Judas was not at the Last Supper, but when our Blessed Lord announced himself as the Bread of Life at the beginning of his public life. St John tells us: “Jesus knew from the first which were those who did not believe, and which of them was to betray him” (Jn 6:65).
The hand on the dial was already pointing to the hour of his death; from that moment on, our Blessed Lord endured the presence of the one who would betray him. (F. J. Sheen, Life of Christ)
***
One of the strongest expressions of the sorrows of our Lord was used during the Last Supper to describe Jesus’ love for Judas and his freely willed doom: “Jesus was troubled in spirit and testified, ‘I tell you the truth, one of you is going to betray me’” (Jn 13:21). The “one of you” was one whose feet he had washed, one whom he called to the apostolic office of spreading his Church throughout the world after the coming of his Spirit, one whose presence he suffered so patiently that no one of the other apostles knew who it was. “His disciples stared at one another, at a loss to know which of them he meant” (Jn 13:22).
Humanly speaking, it would seem that our Lord should have thundered out his denunciation of Judas, but rather in a last attempt to save him he used the bread of fellowship. “Jesus replied, ‘The one who has dipped his hand into the bowl with me will betray me’” (Mt 26:23).
Evil men seem to run counter to the economy of God and to be an errant thread on the tapestry of life, but they all fit some way into the divine plan. The wild wind roars from the black heavens, and somewhere there is a sail to catch it and yoke it to the useful service of man. (F. J. Sheen, Life of Christ)
***
The bread given to Judas must have burned his lips, as the thirty pieces of silver later on would burn his hands. A few minutes before, the hands of the Son of God had washed the feet of Judas; now the same divine hands touch the lips of Judas with a morsel; in a few hours, the lips of Judas will kiss the lips of our Lord in the final act of betrayal. The divine Mediator, knowing all that would befall him, gave the order to Judas to open the curtain wider on the tragedy of Calvary. What Judas was to do, let him do quickly. The Lamb of God was ready for sacrifice.
The divine mercy did not identify the traitor, for our Lord hid from the apostles the fact that the betrayer was Judas. The world that loves to spread scandals–even those that are untrue–is here reversed even in the hiding of what is true. When others saw Judas leave, they assumed it was because he was on a mission of charity, or buying what was needed for the feast.
But Judas, instead of going to buy, went out to sell; nor was it to the poor he would minister, but to the rich in charge of the temple treasury.
Even though our blessed Lord knew the evil intention of Judas, he nevertheless acted kindly because he would bear the ignominy alone.
Jesus knew who would believe him not and who would betray him, yet this did not harden his Sacred Heart. Judas rejected the last appeal, and from that time on there was only despair in his heart. (F. J. Sheen, Life of Christ)
An Eye for an Eye?
“Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?’ Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy‑seven times’” (Mt 18:21-22).
Jesus is teaching us to be patient with the weaknesses of the others, in the same measure that God has forgiven us. God has forgiven us many offenses. We have no right to harbor resentment against anyone. We have to learn to forgive with all our heart. Our pardon should be sincere, profound, and prompt.
***
Sometimes we feel hurt for no objective reason, but only because our self-love has been bruised. If we have indeed been seriously offended, we must remember our own serious transgressions against the Lord.
Christ “does not accept the offering of those who foster division. He sends them away from the altar to make peace and achieve reconciliation. God wants to be given prayer of peace. His greatest objective is our peace, social harmony, and the unity of the faithful in the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.”1
***
The parable of the unforgiving servant shows how easy it is to forgive. The servant who owed his master ten thousand talents signifies the man who has sinned against God. The ten thousand talents signify the enormity or grievousness of the sin. The co-servant who owed the unforgiving servant one hundred talents signifies the man who has sinned against man; the one hundred talents signify the lightness of such sins. (St John Chrysostom, Homilies on St Matthew’s Gospel)
***
The kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.
The servant fell on his knees before him. “Be patient with me,” he begged, “and I will pay back everything.”
The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt, and let him go. (Mt 18:23-27).
Considering the ten thousand talents, let us at least hasten to pardon our neighbors their few and unimportant debts. For we, too, have to give an account of the observance of the commandments entrusted to us, and of the use of our talents. We owe God a great debt. None of us can pay it.
But God has given us a way to repay. It is easy and practical: to be patient with the others, to forgive as God has forgiven us. (St John Chrysostom, Homilies on St Matthew’s Gospel)
***
The master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.
Why? Not out of cruelty or callousness, but out of unspeakable tenderness did he decide so. After all, the material loss would fall on himself, because the slave’s wife was his slave, too.
The servant fell on his knees before him. “Be patient with me,” he begged, “and I will pay back everything.”
The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt, and let him go.
The master’s purpose was not to sell the slave, but to alarm him by this threat, so that the slave would come to him with supplication. If the master wanted merely to sell the slave, he would not have consented to his request, neither would he have granted the favor.
But why, then, did the master not cancel the debt before the settlement or immediately after rendering the account? The master was making the slave aware of the huge obligation he was being delivered from, so that the slave will learn to be mild toward his fellow servant. (St John Chrysostom, Homilies on St Matthew’s Gospel, 61)
***
The master was moved with compassion, loosed him, and forgave him the debt. Do you notice the master’s benevolence? The slave asked only for a delay in the payment; the master gave more than asked, remission and cancellation of the entire debt.
The master wanted to forgive from the beginning, but he did not desire that the gift may be only his, he wanted that it may be worked also by the petition of the slave, so that the slave may be crowned also. He wanted the slave to be seen as contributing something, to spare him from shame. Finally, the master wanted the slave–schooled in these hardships–to be compassionate toward the other fellow servants.
Up to this point, the slave appears good and acceptable. He confessed, promised to pay, fell on his knees, begged, condemned his own misdeeds, and acknowledged the greatness of the debt. But the sequel is unworthy of his repentance.
***
Even after this lesson, When that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him and began to choke him. “Pay back what you owe me!” he demanded (Mt 18:28).
The benefit received was still fresh upon him, yet he abused with malice the gift and freedom granted to him by his master.
If the master had not disciplined him beforehand, into what depth of cruelty would have the slave fallen?
The sin of the unforgiving servant was that he did not forgive the insignificant sins of his co-servant. His sin became worse when he choked the co-servant; and it was made ten times more grievous because he threw the co-servant into prison until he could pay. In the same way did the master treat him as he had treated his neighbor.
God will treat you in exactly the same way as you have treated your neighbor. Let us then be patient and forgiving if we want to obtain mercy from God. (St John Chrysostom, Homilies on St Matthew’s Gospel)
***
What did the second slave say? His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, “Be patient with me, and I will pay you back” (Mt 18:29).
Do you see the master’s goodness? Do you see the slave’s cruelty? The slave did not pay attention to these words; the same words by which he was delivered from the debt of ten thousand talents. He did not recognize the harbor by which he escaped from shipwreck; the gesture of supplication did not remind him of his master’s kindness. He put away from him all these considerations. Covetous, cruel, and revengeful, he was more brutal than any wild beast, seizing his fellow servant by the throat.
We must tell him, “What are you doing, man? Don’t you realize that you are thrusting a sword into yourself, and revoking your master’s sentence and the gift?” But none of these things did he consider. He did not remember his own state; he did not yield.
But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt (Mt 18:30)
The one owed ten thousand talents; the other, a hundred denarii. The one owed them to his lord; the other to his fellow servant. The one received entire forgiveness; the other, begging for a delay, was cast into prison.
When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened (Mt 18:31)
Not even men accepted this impatience, much less God. Those who did not owe shared the grief. (St John Chrysostom, Homilies on St Matthew’s Gospel, 61)
***
What did the master say? Then the master called the servant in. “You wicked servant,” he said, “I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?” (Mt 18:32-33)
See again the lord’s gentleness. He excuses himself at the point of revoking the gift; or rather, it was not he who revoked it, but the wicked servant with his impatience.
In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you, unless you forgive your brother from your heart (Mt 18:34-35). (St John Chrysostom, Homilies on St Matthew’s Gospel, 61)
***
The gravity of a sin depends on three factors:
- On the dignity of the person offended. It is more grievous to offend God directly than to offend a man.
- On the number of times it has been committed. It is more grievous to sin ten times a day than once a day.
- On the capacity and blessings the sinner has received. The sins of those who have received many blessings from God are more grievous than the sins of those who have received less blessings.
Consider the sinner’s foolishness. When a man is watching us, we stand off and shrink from sinning. But when God sees us, we sin without fear.
Consider the ten thousand talents or even a greater sum we owe God, and compare it with the generous forgiveness God has granted us. We behave like fools either by sinning without limit, or by despairing of God’s mercy. We are wise when we judge rightly the gravity of our sins, and ponder on the power of true repentance. (St John Chrysostom, Homilies on St Matthew’s Gospel)
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Man is ungrateful. God gave us the sky, the sun, the stars, and the earth, when we were still in sin, unreconciled with him. Met with further ingratitude, God even gave us his Son, and made us sons of God; we were then enemies, unthankful, and unreconciled with him. Upon the rejection of his Son, God still gave us baptism and penance for the remission of sins and the attainment of eternal life.
Think, Christian soul, how great is your debt; meditate constantly on Christ’s commands, which you often have broken. To pay this great debt you are only required to forgive the petty debts of your neighbors. Shouldn’t you be patient with them, as God has been patient with you? (St John Chrysostom, Homilies on St Matthew’s Gospel)
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Let us examine our reaction when people “rub us the wrong way.” To follow Christ in ordinary life is to find in this very area a broad road to serenity. We should take care to avoid even the most minute fault against charity. The small contradictions of social life should not detract from our happiness.
If there comes a time when we have to forgive someone as the result of a serious offense, it is then we will do well to recall the behavior of Jesus who asked pardon for those who crucified him. We will thus savor the true love of God. Our heart will be enriched and expanded in its capacity to love. We cannot forget that “nothing makes us more like unto God than to be ever ready to pardon others.”2. Our generosity toward others will win for us the divine pardon. (F. Fernandez Carvajal, In Conversation with God, 5,41)
***
If someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well (Mt 5:40).
Do you think this is a great thing? Wait and you will see that you have not reached perfection yet. God does not stop here. He is laying down the laws of patient endurance as he continues,
If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles (Mt 5:41).
Do you see here the climax of self-denial? After giving your tunic, you are told to give your cloak. And then, even your own body should be lent to render a service. Do not even count the person asking for that favor as an enemy, for God did not say, “Do not hate him,” but “Love him.” He did not say, “Do not harm him,” but, “Do good to him.” And still, something much greater is added. God did not simply command to love our enemies, but to pray for them. (St John Chrysostom, Homilies on St Matthew’s Gospel, 18)
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Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you. You have heard that it was said, “Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.” But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you (Mt 5:42-44).
Do you see how many steps God has ascended to place us at the summit of virtue? Mark them from the beginning:
-Do not commit injustice,
-Do not vindicate yourself with equal retaliation,
-Do not give to him who is annoying you the same treatment that you have suffered, but be calm,
-Give yourself up to suffer wrongs,
-Do not be afraid of suffering more,
-Do not hate the one who has done wrong to you,
-Even, love him,
-Do good to him also,
-Pray to God for him,
Do you see how high is the level of patience demanded from you? It is as high as the reward promised to you. (St John Chrysostom, Homilies on St Matthew’s Gospel, 18)
***
Your Father in heaven causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous (Mt 5:45).
God’s patience is so far from hating that he even pours benefits on those who insult him. It is difficult for us to imitate him because of his excellent dignity. You may be despised by your fellow-slave, but God is despised by his slave, who–besides–has received so many benefits from him. You may utter words pardoning you enemy, but He kindles the sun, and gives us annual showers, and all sorts of marvelous gifts.
Do not hate the man who does wrong to you, for he is procuring you so many good things and bringing you so much honor. Do not curse the person who humiliates you; after undergoing the abuse, you may be deprived of the fruit; after bearing the loss, you may lose the reward. (St John Chrysostom, Homilies on St Matthew’s Gospel, 18)
***
“But how is it possible,” one may inquire, “to forgive the man who abuses you?”
Having seen your God become man and suffer so much for your sake, do you not know how to forgive your fellow-servant? Do you still ask how? Do you not hear Him on the Cross, saying, “Forgive them, for they do not know what they do”? Do you not see how after the Cross, and the resurrection, your God sent the apostles to the Jews, who had slain him, to bring them the greatest blessings? And this knowing that the apostles had to suffer ten thousand terrors at their hands? (St John Chrysostom, Homilies on St Matthew’s Gospel, 18)
***
Have you been gravely wronged? Still you have not endured like your Lord, bound, beaten with whips, with rods, spat upon by servants, enduring death–that shameful death–after so many favors imparted.
Even if you have been gravely wronged, do good to him; you will make your crown more glorious and set your brother free from his sickness. Do as the physicians do; even when they are kicked and attacked by the insane, they try to cure them, knowing that their fury is a consequence of the disease.
Help him to let go his anger, set him free from that grievous demon, wrath. The enraged are like the possessed, even more wretched than they, being mad with consciousness of it. Their frenzy is, thus, without excuse. (St John Chrysostom, Homilies on St Matthew’s Gospel, 18)
***
If they annoy you fifty thousand times, that’s how often you have to forgive them.... Your patience has to get ahead of your bad feelings, wearing them out before they provoke more harm. (St John of Avila, Sermon 25, for the 25th Sunday after Pentecost)
Footnotes:
1 St Cyprian, Treatise on the Lord’s Prayer.
2 St John Chrysostom, Homilies on St Matthew’s Gospel, 19.