37. Transmission of Life: Education of Children
54. The Role of the Parents
Parents have the right and duty to educate their offspring. By conferring life on their children, they cooperated with God in generating a new human person; thus, they must take the task of helping that person to effectively live a fully human life. This parental duty is original and primary with regard to the educational role of others because of the uniqueness of the loving relationship between parents and children. It is irreplaceable and inalienable, and therefore incapable of being entirely delegated to others or usurped by others.
The family is, therefore, the principal school of the social virtues, which are necessary to every society.1 Parents are the first and most important educators of their children, and they also possess a fundamental competence in this area; they are educators because they are parents.
Parents must never feel alone in the educational task. The Church supports and encourages them, confident that they can carry out this function better than anyone else. Parents must approach this duty in a spirit of prayer, open and obedient to the moral truths of faith and reason that integrate the teaching of the Church, and always seeing children and young people as persons, children of God and heirs to the Kingdom of heaven. Much of the formation in the home is indirect, incarnated in a loving and tender atmosphere, for it arises from the presence and example of parents whose love is pure and generous.2
Even though being a family is something spiritual, we cannot ignore the material element: The family needs a home. To make its educational mission effective, the family needs an adequate environment, a minimum of comfortable material facilities.
55. Father and Mother as Educators
The most recent findings in the psychological and pedagogical sciences as well as human experience reveal the decisive importance of an affective atmosphere in the family for a harmonious education. A serene relationship between husband and wife, and their positive presence (both father and mother) facilitate the process of identification and spiritual growth of their children.
Certain serious failures of the parents (for example, one or both parents’ absence from family life, a lack of interest in the children’s education, or excessive severity) are factors that can cause emotional and affective disturbances in children. Parents must find time to be with their children and take time to talk with them.3
56. The Parents' Educational Role Is Based on the Sacrament of Matrimony
The parents’ mission to educate is rooted in their participation in God’s creative activity. This mission is confirmed in the Sacrament of Marriage, which consecrates them for the Christian education of their children. The sacrament makes them share in the authority and love of God, and of Christ the Shepherd, and participate in the motherly love of the Church. It enriches them with wisdom, counsel, fortitude, and all the other gifts of the Holy Spirit in order to help the children in their growth not only as human beings but also as children of God. Thus,
· parents must give not only corporal life to their children, but also the life of faith;
· this mission is undertaken by means of family life itself, which becomes a school of Christian initiation and of following Christ.4
57. Relations with Other Educating Agents
The family is the primary and exclusive—but not the only—educating community. Other educators can assist in this task, but they can only take the place of parents for serious reasons (the parents’ physical or moral incapacity). Parents may share their mission with other individuals or institutions, such as the Church and the state, since parents, by themselves, are often not capable of providing every requirement of the whole process of raising children, especially in matters concerning their schooling. But corresponding to their right to education, parents have a serious duty to commit themselves to a cordial and active relationship with teachers and school authorities. In these cases, it is recommended that parents keep themselves informed on the content and methodology with which such supplementary education is imparted.5
57a) The Principle of Subsidiarity
The mission of education must always be carried out in accordance with a proper application of the principle of subsidiarity. This implies the need of giving assistance to the parents, but only insofar as parents cannot impart this education by themselves. Thus, subsidiarity complements paternal and maternal love, because all other participants in the process of education are able to carry out their responsibilities only in the name of the parents, with their consent, and, to a certain degree, with their authorization. Nevertheless, parents have the right to claim for themselves any aspect of the education of their children; they may, for example, join other parents and put up educational projects.6
57b) Importance of the School
Among the various organs of education, “the school is of outstanding importance. In nurturing the intellectual faculties which is its special mission, it develops a capacity for sound judgment and introduces the pupils to the cultural heritage bequeathed to them by former generations. It fosters a sense of values and prepares them for professional life. By providing for friendly contacts between pupils of different characters and backgrounds it encourages mutual understanding.”7 The decisions that a person makes in the course of a lifetime depend, to a great degree, on the kind of formation he has received at school.
True educators never limit themselves to merely academic instruction; they seek the integral development of the person. When teaching intellectual habits to their students, they also form their consciences, and this has a powerful influence on the rest of their lives. Therefore, from a moral and religious point of view, there is no such thing as a “neutral school.” Either it gives an education in keeping with Christian principles, or it willfully ignores Christ, with all the serious consequences this brings with it.
However, the important thing is not that the school be Catholic in name, but in practice: in its teaching, in the formation it provides, and in the values it develops. A school fulfills this obligation when it faithfully follows the teachings of the Church.
58. Content of Formation
With respect to the content of the educational work of the parents, the apostolic exhortation Familiaris Consortio lists the following:
· Parents must encourage the formation of right values, especially, a correct attitude of freedom with regard to material goods, the adoption of a simple and austere life style, and a conviction that “it is what a man is, rather than what he has, that counts.”8
· Children must learn to cultivate virtues if they are to truly be the persons they are meant to be. In a society shaken and split by tensions and conflicts that are caused by the violent clash of various kinds of individualism and selfishness, children must be enriched with a sense of true justice, which alone leads to respect for the personal dignity of each individual, and also, and more powerfully, with a sense of true love, understood as sincere solicitude and disinterested service with regard to others, especially the poorest and those in most need.
· Parents must also impart a proper sexual education, nourished by the virtue of chastity. This virtue empowers the children to give themselves away in love to others.9
58a) Education in Freedom
Family education should be carried out in an atmosphere of freedom.
Imposing things by force, in an authoritarian manner, is not the right way to teach. The ideal attitude of parents lies more in becoming their children’s friends—friends who will be willing to share their anxieties, who will listen to their problems, who will help them in an effective and agreeable way.10
Often, an authoritarian attitude of the parents leads to a rejection of the principles they try to teach. Thus, authority should be exercised avoiding two extremes: too much softness, and too much severity.
It is not a matter of imposing a line of conduct, but rather of showing the human and supernatural motives for it. In a word, parents have to respect their children’s freedom, because there is no real education without personal responsibility, and there is no responsibility without freedom.11
That sense of responsibility should lead the children to assume with maturity the consequences of their actions and decisions, without passing the blame to the circumstances, persons, or events. It is not a mater of justifying oneself in front of the others, but of responding to God.
The function of the parents is double:
i) To teach the children to be free
ii) To discreetly monitor how they use their freedom
To orient the children’s freedom and foster responsibility in them, parents need to display fortitude and serenity.
58b) Education in All Virtues
Character is the integration of several fundamental strengths of mind and will—which we call virtues—into one personality. Virtues are internalized, habitual, permanent habits and attitudes by which one deals with life in all its circumstances. Moral virtues are necessary means for a person to reach his goal. Among the virtues to teach are the following:
· Faith. The active belief in God and in all that he has revealed about himself, his Church, his justice and mercy, the meaning of life here on earth and afterwards in eternity.
· Hope. The confidence that God will give us the means of salvation, and that his loving providence watches over us throughout our lives; therefore, no problem is unendurable.
· Charity. An overriding love for God, a love that shapes and directs all other loves—for spouse, children, friends, strangers, or material goods. Parents ought to teach their children to be generous with others, to trust, and to avoid anything that may look like criticism, backbiting, or discord among siblings.
· Prudence. Today, we call this “sound judgment,” the ability to make the important distinctions in life: distinguishing right from wrong, truth from falsehood, fact from opinion, reason from emotion, the eternal from the transitory. A well-formed conscience is part of this virtue.
· Justice. This we could call “a sense of responsibility”—giving others what is due to them. It is the sense of duty that is implicit in recognizing the rights of others, including the rights of God. In one sense, this awareness of responsibility is the most important mark of moral adulthood—maturity is responsibility. Parents should guide their children to be sincere and loyal.
· Fortitude. This virtue is a disposition of toughness in one’s personality—that is, a willingness and ability to either solve difficulties or endure them. It is the power to overcome or withstand hardship, disappointment, inconvenience, and pain. Its opposite (very common today) is escapism. Fortitude is essential to real love. Love, after all, is not just a bundle of sentiments; it is the capacity and willingness to embrace hardship for the sake of someone’s welfare. Children should be taught to be disciplined in their work and schedule.
· Temperance. This is self-control, self-discipline—a rational control over the passions and appetites, a self-imposed restraint for the sake of some higher good. Its opposite (also common today) is self-indulgence, a habitual pursuit of pleasure and comfort as ends in themselves. The good example of sobriety and vigilance in the use of television and other mass media, which may foster an attitude of laziness, is of great importance. Children should be trained to avoid whims and creating imaginary necessities, and to be austere in their expenses.
Moreover, parents should develop their children’s critical capacity to fight against the attacks of a culture of consumerism. They should also foster the children’s cultural interests adapted to each one’s age.
58c) Sexual Education: Situation of the Problem
In the past, Christian parents seldom exercised the right and duty to provide specific sexual education for their children. Perhaps the need for it was not as acute as it is today. The parents’ task was, in part, fulfilled by the prevailing social models and the role played by the Church and the Catholic school. The general culture was permeated by respect for fundamental values and hence served to protect and maintain them. Nowadays, the decline of traditional models has left children deprived of consistent and positive guidance, while parents often find themselves unprepared to provide adequate answers.
Moreover, though schools have made themselves available to carry out programs of sex education, they have commonly done this by taking the place of the family and, most of the time, aim only at providing information. This has often led to the deformation of consciences. In many cases, parents have given up their duty in this field or agreed to delegate it to others because of the difficulty and their own lack of preparation.12
58d) Education for Chastity
The natural method for sexual education is personal dialogue between parents and children. It is recognized that any child or young person has the right to withdraw from any form of sexual instruction that is imparted outside the home.13 Through this formation for chastity in the family, adolescents and young people learn to live sexuality in its personal dimension, rejecting any kind of separation of sexuality from love—understood as self-giving—and any separation of the love between husband and wife from the family.
Paths of Formation within the Family
59. Formation in the Community of Life and Love
The self-giving that inspires the love of husband and wife for each other is the model and norm for the self-giving that must be practiced in the relationships between brothers and sisters and the different generations that live together in the family.14
59a) Self-Control
Children should be trained in the virtue of self-control, which is an attitude and disposition of personal mortification and self-denial, a necessary condition for being capable of self-giving.
Also important in family life is the virtue of modesty, nourished by faith, and a life of prayer.15
60. Decency and Modesty
The practice of decency and modesty in speech, action, and dress is very important for creating an atmosphere that is suitable for the growth of chastity. Parents should be watchful so that certain immoral fashions and attitudes do not violate the integrity of the home, especially through misuse of the mass media, in particular, with regard to use of television or the Internet.
Respect for privacy must be considered in close connection with decency and modesty.16
61. Parents as Models for their Children
The good example and leadership of parents is essential in strengthening the formation of young people in virtues. This is also true for education in a spirit of sacrifice in families, which are subject more than ever today to the pressures of materialism and consumerism.17
The first example and the greatest help that parents can give their children is their generosity in accepting life, without forgetting that this is how parents help their children to have a simpler lifestyle.18
62. Educators in the Faith and Prayer
The parents are the first heralds of the Gospel for their children, and for this, they have received the specific grace of the Sacrament of Matrimony to teach their children the truths of faith (beginning with a simple catechism), and to teach them to pray.19
Learning Stages
Parents, in particular, have the duty to let their children know about living Christian virtues and the mysteries of human life, because the family is, in fact, the best environment to accomplish the obligation of securing a gradual education.20
63. Four Principles Regarding Information about Sexuality
i) Each child is a unique and unrepeatable person and must receive individualized formation. Experience shows that this works out better when each parent communicates the biological, emotional, moral, and spiritual information to the child or young person of the same sex through a personal dialogue. Being aware of the role, emotions, and problems of their own sex, mothers have a special bond with their daughters, and fathers with their sons.
ii) The moral dimension must always be part of their explanations. Parents must insist on the positive value of chastity and its capacity to generate true love for other persons. Only a person who knows how to be chaste will know how to love in marriage or in virginity. From the earliest age, parents should gently correct such habits that could become sinful later, and, when necessary, teach modesty as the child grows. It is always important to justify the judgment on adequate, valid, and convincing grounds, both at the level of reason and faith, that is, in a positive framework with a high concept of personal dignity.
iii) The biological development of the children should always be accompanied by a growth of spiritual life, formation in chastity, and an ever-greater awareness of the dignity of each human person and his body. Parents can illustrate the positive values of human sexuality in the context of the person’s original vocation to love and the universal call to holiness. They should pass on to their children the conviction that chastity in one’s state in life is possible and that chastity brings joy. Therefore, they should teach them how to use the means to grow in the love of God and one’s neighbor, and to overcome any difficulties. These means are:
· guarding the senses and the mind,
· avoiding occasions of sin,
· the observance of modesty,
· moderation in recreation,
· good working habits,
· wholesome pursuits,
· avoiding idleness,
· organizing one’s life of piety,
· assiduous prayer,
· spiritual guidance or direction,
· frequent reception of the Sacraments of Penance and the Eucharist,
· devotion to the Immaculate Mother of God.
iv) Parents should provide this information with great delicacy, but clearly and at the appropriate time. Parents’ words should be neither too explicit nor too vague. Giving too many details to children is counterproductive. But delaying the first information for too long is imprudent, because every human person has natural curiosity in this regard and, sooner or later, children begin to ask themselves questions, especially in cultures where too much can be seen, even in public.21
64. Children’s Principal Stages of Development
64a) The Years of Innocence
One of Christian parents’ important duties is that of preparing their children, as soon as they reach an appropriate age, for the reception of the Sacraments of Penance and the Eucharist.
At this age, children cannot integrate premature sexual information with moral responsibility. Such information tends to shatter their emotional and educational development. In general, the first sexual information to be given to a small child does not deal with genital sexuality, but rather with pregnancy and the birth of a brother or sister. Parents can take advantage of this happy experience to communicate some simple facts about pregnancy, but always in the deepest context of wonder at the creative work of God, who wants the new life he has given to be cared for in the mother’s body, near her heart.22
64b) Puberty
Puberty, which constitutes the initial phase of adolescence, is a time of self-discovery of one’s own inner world, the time of generous plans, the time when the feeling of love awakens with the biological impulses of sexuality, the time of the desire to be together, and the time of particularly intense joy connected with the exhilarating discovery of life. But it is often also the age of deeper questioning, anguished or even frustrating searching, a certain mistrust of others and dangerous introspection, and sometimes the age of the first experiences of setbacks and disappointments. In this phase, the genital aspects in the context of procreation, marriage, and the family are educational matters of concern.
Instruction for both girls and boys should aim at pointing out the beauty of motherhood and the wonderful reality of procreation, as well as the deep meaning of virginity.
During puberty, the psychological and emotional development of boys can make them vulnerable to erotic fantasies, and they may be tempted to try sexual experiences. Parents should be close to their children and correct the tendency to use sexuality in a hedonistic and materialistic way.
To form their consciences, parents should teach their children that God has a project of love for every person, that moral law is positive and liberating, and that sin has caused a certain weakness in us. Thus, one should fight against natural bad inclinations; the main means is grace, which strengthens us on our path toward salvation. One’s conscience must not be confused with a vague subjective feeling or personal opinion.23
64c) Adolescence
The principal task of parents consists in imparting to their adolescent children a catechesis that leads them to grasp a genuinely Christian understanding of life. This catechesis must shed the light of the Christian message on those realities, which have greater impact on the adolescent, such as the meaning of bodily existence, love and the family, the standards to be followed in life, in work and in leisure, in justice and peace, and so on.
(1) A time of rebellion
Adolescence is a time of rebellion. Having previously depended totally on their parents, adolescents begin to acquire an awareness of their own autonomy. This rebelliousness is a natural tendency in all human beings and should not upset any sensible parent. It is a part of the process of maturation. At the same time, parents should remain attentive to help, respect, foster, and orient their children’s freedom, without accepting the frivolities and errors to which they are exposed.
Parents should be brothers and friends of their children, and, at the same time, bearers of a loftier truth and ideal. They should give their children the chance to open up their hearts confidently.
(2) Teaching how to be free
Parents should help adolescent children to understand that freedom is fundamentally the capacity of each person to live in accordance with laws and right reason, and that this great gift can be abused.
(3) Discovering one’s vocation
In terms of personal development, adolescence represents the period of self-projection and, therefore, the discovery of one’s vocation. Christian parents should educate their children for life in such a way that each one may fully perform his role according to the vocation that is received from God. The Church’s teaching on the sublime value of virginity and celibacy and the vocational meaning of marriage must never be lacking.24
(4) Patiently and affectionately
With regard to Christian life, parents have to give good example to their children and lead them with patient persuasion and affection. They should not, however, impose Christian obligations by force.
(5) Teaching purity
The example of the parents is especially decisive in adolescence, the phase when young people are looking for living examples and attractive behavior models. Since sexual problems become more evident at this time, parents should also help them to love the beauty and strength of chastity through prudent advice, highlighting the inestimable value of prayer and frequent fruitful recourse to the sacraments for a chaste life, especially personal confession.
Masturbation particularly constitutes a very serious disorder that is illicit in itself and cannot be morally justified. Therefore, adolescents should be helped to overcome manifestations of this disorder, which often express the inner conflicts of their age and, in many cases, a selfish vision of sexuality.
A particular problem that can appear during the process of sexual maturation is homosexuality. A distinction must be made between a tendency that can be almost innate, and acts of homosexuality that are intrinsically disordered and contrary to natural law.
In the face of what hedonistic groups propose, especially in affluent societies, it is very important to present to young people the ideals of human and Christian solidarity and concrete ways of being committed in Church associations, movements, and voluntary Catholic and missionary activities.
Friendships are very important in this period. Through loving and patient advice, parents will help young people to avoid an excessive closing in on themselves.25
64d) Toward Adulthood
The parents’ mission does not end when their children come of legal age; young people need help when they enter the working world or higher education.
By keeping a confident dialogue that encourages a sense of responsibility and respects their children’s legitimate and necessary autonomy, parents will always be their reference point, through both advice and example. Care should be taken that children do not discontinue their faith relationship with the Church.
In the period leading to engagement and in the choice of that preferred attachment that can lead to forming a family, the role of parents should not consist merely in prohibitions, much less in imposing the choice of a fiancé or fiancée.26
Practical Guidelines
65. Guidelines for Parents and Educators
For parents:
· Parents have the right to educate their children in conformity with their moral and religious conviction.
· Parents have the right to freely choose schools. The state and the Church have the obligation to give families all possible aid to enable them to properly perform their educational role. Public authorities must ensure that public subsidies are so allocated that parents are truly free to exercise this right without incurring unjust burdens.
· Parents have the right to ensure that their children are not compelled to attend classes that are not in agreement with their own moral and religious convictions. In particular, sex education is a basic right of the parents and must always be carried out under their close supervision, whether at home or in educational centers that are chosen and controlled by them.
· Parents must keep themselves informed on the programs, content, and methodology that are used to impart supplementary education to their children. The rights of parents are violated when they are forced to accept policies, educators, and programs that are contrary to the educational credo of the parents.
· If ideologies that are opposed to the Christian faith are taught in schools, the family must join with other families—through family associations, if possible—and with all its strength and wisdom help the young not to depart from the faith. In this case, the family needs special assistance from pastors of souls, who must never forget that parents have the inviolable right to entrust their children to the ecclesial community.
· Parents must be free to create study centers and to manage them. The state must be vigilant about the quality of schools and teachers, but cannot monopolize schools, programs of study, textbooks, etc.
· The family has the right to expect that the means of social communication will be positive instruments for the building up of society, and will reinforce the fundamental values of the family.27
These criteria are demanded by the respect for the dignity of the human person and not because of any particular religious persuasion. But these rights remain solely theoretical if the state does not subsidize private schools in a way that is similar to its subsidizing the public schools, whatever the specific system may be. An example of a fair system is the so-called scholastic allowance (or voucher program), in which each child is allocated the cost of one place at a public school. In this way, the parents will not find themselves, in practice, obliged to have recourse to the public school as the only feasible solution.28
For all educators:
· No educator—not even parents—can interfere with a child’s right to chastity (cf. Mt 18:4–7).
· Respect should be given to the right of the child and the young person to be adequately informed by their own parents on moral and sexual questions in a way that complies with his desire to be chaste and to be formed in chastity.
· Respect should be given to the right of the child or young person to withdraw from any form of sexual instruction that is imparted outside the home.29
66. Four Working Principles and their Particular Norms
Education for love can take concrete form in four working principles:
i) Human sexuality is a sacred mystery and must be presented according to the doctrinal and moral teaching of the Church, always bearing in mind the effects of original sin.
ii) Only information that is proportionate to each phase of their individual development should be presented to children and young people.
iii) No material of an erotic nature should be presented to children or young people of any age, individually or in a group.
iv) No one should ever be invited, let alone obliged, to act in any way that could objectively offend modesty or subjectively offend his own decorum or sense of privacy.30
67. Recommended Methods
· The normal and fundamental method of education is personal dialogue between parents and their children, that is, individual formation within the family circle.
· As couples or as individuals, parents can get together with others who are prepared for education for love to draw on their experience and competence. These people can offer explanations and provide parents with books and other resources that are approved by the ecclesiastical authorities. Parents who find it very difficult to face up to the problematic side of education for love can have meetings with their children, guided by these expert persons.
· In certain situations, parents can entrust part of education for love to another trustworthy person, if there are matters that require specific competence or pastoral care in particular cases.
· Catechesis on morality may be provided by other trustworthy persons, with particular emphasis on sexual ethics at puberty and adolescence. Parents should take an interest in the moral catechesis that is given to their own children outside the home and use it as a support for their own educational work. Such catechesis must not include the more intimate aspects of sexual information, whether biological or affective, which belong to individual formation within the family.
· The religious formation of the parents themselves—in particular, solid catechetical preparation of adults in the truth of love—builds the foundations of a mature faith that can guide them in the formation of their own children. This adult catechesis enables them not only to deepen their understanding of the community of life and love in marriage, but also helps them learn how to communicate better with their own children. To make parents capable of carrying out their educational work, special formation courses with the help of experts can be promoted.31
Footnotes:
1. Cf. GE, 3; John Paul II, Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 36.
2. Cf. Pontifical Council for the Family, Guidelines for Education within the Family, 40, 149.
3. Cf. Ibid., 50, 51.
4. Cf. John Paul II, Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 39.
5. Cf. John Paul II, Charter of the Rights of the Family, Oct. 22, 1983.
6. Cf. Pontifical Council for the Family, Guidelines for Education within the Family, 22, 23, 24, 25.
7. GE, 5.
8. GS, 35.
9. Cf. John Paul II, Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 37.
10. St. Josemaría Escrivá, Christ is Passing By, 27.
11. Ibid.
12. Cf. Pontifical Council for the Family, Guidelines for Education within the Family, 1, 47.
13. Cf. Ibid., 32, 115, 120, 149.
14. Cf. Ibid., 52, 53.
15. Cf. Ibid., 55, 58.
16. Cf. Ibid., 57.
17. Cf. Ibid., 59–60.
18. Cf. Ibid., 61.
19. Cf. Ibid., 62.
20. Cf. Ibid., 64.
21. Cf. Ibid., 65–75.
22. Cf. Ibid., 76.
23. Cf. Ibid., 87, 88, 92, 93, 95.
24. Cf. Ibid., 98–101.
25. Cf. Ibid., 102–104, 106–108.
26. Cf. Ibid., 109–111.
27. Cf. John Paul II, Charter of the Rights of the Family, Oct. 22, 1983; Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 40.
28. Cf. R. García de Haro, Marriage and the Family in the Documents of the Magisterium, 281.
29. Cf. Pontifical Council for the Family, Guidelines for Education within the Family, 118–120.
30. Cf. Ibid., 121–127.
31. Cf. Ibid., 128–134.
Parents have the right and duty to educate their offspring. By conferring life on their children, they cooperated with God in generating a new human person; thus, they must take the task of helping that person to effectively live a fully human life. This parental duty is original and primary with regard to the educational role of others because of the uniqueness of the loving relationship between parents and children. It is irreplaceable and inalienable, and therefore incapable of being entirely delegated to others or usurped by others.
The family is, therefore, the principal school of the social virtues, which are necessary to every society.1 Parents are the first and most important educators of their children, and they also possess a fundamental competence in this area; they are educators because they are parents.
Parents must never feel alone in the educational task. The Church supports and encourages them, confident that they can carry out this function better than anyone else. Parents must approach this duty in a spirit of prayer, open and obedient to the moral truths of faith and reason that integrate the teaching of the Church, and always seeing children and young people as persons, children of God and heirs to the Kingdom of heaven. Much of the formation in the home is indirect, incarnated in a loving and tender atmosphere, for it arises from the presence and example of parents whose love is pure and generous.2
Even though being a family is something spiritual, we cannot ignore the material element: The family needs a home. To make its educational mission effective, the family needs an adequate environment, a minimum of comfortable material facilities.
55. Father and Mother as Educators
The most recent findings in the psychological and pedagogical sciences as well as human experience reveal the decisive importance of an affective atmosphere in the family for a harmonious education. A serene relationship between husband and wife, and their positive presence (both father and mother) facilitate the process of identification and spiritual growth of their children.
Certain serious failures of the parents (for example, one or both parents’ absence from family life, a lack of interest in the children’s education, or excessive severity) are factors that can cause emotional and affective disturbances in children. Parents must find time to be with their children and take time to talk with them.3
56. The Parents' Educational Role Is Based on the Sacrament of Matrimony
The parents’ mission to educate is rooted in their participation in God’s creative activity. This mission is confirmed in the Sacrament of Marriage, which consecrates them for the Christian education of their children. The sacrament makes them share in the authority and love of God, and of Christ the Shepherd, and participate in the motherly love of the Church. It enriches them with wisdom, counsel, fortitude, and all the other gifts of the Holy Spirit in order to help the children in their growth not only as human beings but also as children of God. Thus,
· parents must give not only corporal life to their children, but also the life of faith;
· this mission is undertaken by means of family life itself, which becomes a school of Christian initiation and of following Christ.4
57. Relations with Other Educating Agents
The family is the primary and exclusive—but not the only—educating community. Other educators can assist in this task, but they can only take the place of parents for serious reasons (the parents’ physical or moral incapacity). Parents may share their mission with other individuals or institutions, such as the Church and the state, since parents, by themselves, are often not capable of providing every requirement of the whole process of raising children, especially in matters concerning their schooling. But corresponding to their right to education, parents have a serious duty to commit themselves to a cordial and active relationship with teachers and school authorities. In these cases, it is recommended that parents keep themselves informed on the content and methodology with which such supplementary education is imparted.5
57a) The Principle of Subsidiarity
The mission of education must always be carried out in accordance with a proper application of the principle of subsidiarity. This implies the need of giving assistance to the parents, but only insofar as parents cannot impart this education by themselves. Thus, subsidiarity complements paternal and maternal love, because all other participants in the process of education are able to carry out their responsibilities only in the name of the parents, with their consent, and, to a certain degree, with their authorization. Nevertheless, parents have the right to claim for themselves any aspect of the education of their children; they may, for example, join other parents and put up educational projects.6
57b) Importance of the School
Among the various organs of education, “the school is of outstanding importance. In nurturing the intellectual faculties which is its special mission, it develops a capacity for sound judgment and introduces the pupils to the cultural heritage bequeathed to them by former generations. It fosters a sense of values and prepares them for professional life. By providing for friendly contacts between pupils of different characters and backgrounds it encourages mutual understanding.”7 The decisions that a person makes in the course of a lifetime depend, to a great degree, on the kind of formation he has received at school.
True educators never limit themselves to merely academic instruction; they seek the integral development of the person. When teaching intellectual habits to their students, they also form their consciences, and this has a powerful influence on the rest of their lives. Therefore, from a moral and religious point of view, there is no such thing as a “neutral school.” Either it gives an education in keeping with Christian principles, or it willfully ignores Christ, with all the serious consequences this brings with it.
However, the important thing is not that the school be Catholic in name, but in practice: in its teaching, in the formation it provides, and in the values it develops. A school fulfills this obligation when it faithfully follows the teachings of the Church.
58. Content of Formation
With respect to the content of the educational work of the parents, the apostolic exhortation Familiaris Consortio lists the following:
· Parents must encourage the formation of right values, especially, a correct attitude of freedom with regard to material goods, the adoption of a simple and austere life style, and a conviction that “it is what a man is, rather than what he has, that counts.”8
· Children must learn to cultivate virtues if they are to truly be the persons they are meant to be. In a society shaken and split by tensions and conflicts that are caused by the violent clash of various kinds of individualism and selfishness, children must be enriched with a sense of true justice, which alone leads to respect for the personal dignity of each individual, and also, and more powerfully, with a sense of true love, understood as sincere solicitude and disinterested service with regard to others, especially the poorest and those in most need.
· Parents must also impart a proper sexual education, nourished by the virtue of chastity. This virtue empowers the children to give themselves away in love to others.9
58a) Education in Freedom
Family education should be carried out in an atmosphere of freedom.
Imposing things by force, in an authoritarian manner, is not the right way to teach. The ideal attitude of parents lies more in becoming their children’s friends—friends who will be willing to share their anxieties, who will listen to their problems, who will help them in an effective and agreeable way.10
Often, an authoritarian attitude of the parents leads to a rejection of the principles they try to teach. Thus, authority should be exercised avoiding two extremes: too much softness, and too much severity.
It is not a matter of imposing a line of conduct, but rather of showing the human and supernatural motives for it. In a word, parents have to respect their children’s freedom, because there is no real education without personal responsibility, and there is no responsibility without freedom.11
That sense of responsibility should lead the children to assume with maturity the consequences of their actions and decisions, without passing the blame to the circumstances, persons, or events. It is not a mater of justifying oneself in front of the others, but of responding to God.
The function of the parents is double:
i) To teach the children to be free
ii) To discreetly monitor how they use their freedom
To orient the children’s freedom and foster responsibility in them, parents need to display fortitude and serenity.
58b) Education in All Virtues
Character is the integration of several fundamental strengths of mind and will—which we call virtues—into one personality. Virtues are internalized, habitual, permanent habits and attitudes by which one deals with life in all its circumstances. Moral virtues are necessary means for a person to reach his goal. Among the virtues to teach are the following:
· Faith. The active belief in God and in all that he has revealed about himself, his Church, his justice and mercy, the meaning of life here on earth and afterwards in eternity.
· Hope. The confidence that God will give us the means of salvation, and that his loving providence watches over us throughout our lives; therefore, no problem is unendurable.
· Charity. An overriding love for God, a love that shapes and directs all other loves—for spouse, children, friends, strangers, or material goods. Parents ought to teach their children to be generous with others, to trust, and to avoid anything that may look like criticism, backbiting, or discord among siblings.
· Prudence. Today, we call this “sound judgment,” the ability to make the important distinctions in life: distinguishing right from wrong, truth from falsehood, fact from opinion, reason from emotion, the eternal from the transitory. A well-formed conscience is part of this virtue.
· Justice. This we could call “a sense of responsibility”—giving others what is due to them. It is the sense of duty that is implicit in recognizing the rights of others, including the rights of God. In one sense, this awareness of responsibility is the most important mark of moral adulthood—maturity is responsibility. Parents should guide their children to be sincere and loyal.
· Fortitude. This virtue is a disposition of toughness in one’s personality—that is, a willingness and ability to either solve difficulties or endure them. It is the power to overcome or withstand hardship, disappointment, inconvenience, and pain. Its opposite (very common today) is escapism. Fortitude is essential to real love. Love, after all, is not just a bundle of sentiments; it is the capacity and willingness to embrace hardship for the sake of someone’s welfare. Children should be taught to be disciplined in their work and schedule.
· Temperance. This is self-control, self-discipline—a rational control over the passions and appetites, a self-imposed restraint for the sake of some higher good. Its opposite (also common today) is self-indulgence, a habitual pursuit of pleasure and comfort as ends in themselves. The good example of sobriety and vigilance in the use of television and other mass media, which may foster an attitude of laziness, is of great importance. Children should be trained to avoid whims and creating imaginary necessities, and to be austere in their expenses.
Moreover, parents should develop their children’s critical capacity to fight against the attacks of a culture of consumerism. They should also foster the children’s cultural interests adapted to each one’s age.
58c) Sexual Education: Situation of the Problem
In the past, Christian parents seldom exercised the right and duty to provide specific sexual education for their children. Perhaps the need for it was not as acute as it is today. The parents’ task was, in part, fulfilled by the prevailing social models and the role played by the Church and the Catholic school. The general culture was permeated by respect for fundamental values and hence served to protect and maintain them. Nowadays, the decline of traditional models has left children deprived of consistent and positive guidance, while parents often find themselves unprepared to provide adequate answers.
Moreover, though schools have made themselves available to carry out programs of sex education, they have commonly done this by taking the place of the family and, most of the time, aim only at providing information. This has often led to the deformation of consciences. In many cases, parents have given up their duty in this field or agreed to delegate it to others because of the difficulty and their own lack of preparation.12
58d) Education for Chastity
The natural method for sexual education is personal dialogue between parents and children. It is recognized that any child or young person has the right to withdraw from any form of sexual instruction that is imparted outside the home.13 Through this formation for chastity in the family, adolescents and young people learn to live sexuality in its personal dimension, rejecting any kind of separation of sexuality from love—understood as self-giving—and any separation of the love between husband and wife from the family.
Paths of Formation within the Family
59. Formation in the Community of Life and Love
The self-giving that inspires the love of husband and wife for each other is the model and norm for the self-giving that must be practiced in the relationships between brothers and sisters and the different generations that live together in the family.14
59a) Self-Control
Children should be trained in the virtue of self-control, which is an attitude and disposition of personal mortification and self-denial, a necessary condition for being capable of self-giving.
Also important in family life is the virtue of modesty, nourished by faith, and a life of prayer.15
60. Decency and Modesty
The practice of decency and modesty in speech, action, and dress is very important for creating an atmosphere that is suitable for the growth of chastity. Parents should be watchful so that certain immoral fashions and attitudes do not violate the integrity of the home, especially through misuse of the mass media, in particular, with regard to use of television or the Internet.
Respect for privacy must be considered in close connection with decency and modesty.16
61. Parents as Models for their Children
The good example and leadership of parents is essential in strengthening the formation of young people in virtues. This is also true for education in a spirit of sacrifice in families, which are subject more than ever today to the pressures of materialism and consumerism.17
The first example and the greatest help that parents can give their children is their generosity in accepting life, without forgetting that this is how parents help their children to have a simpler lifestyle.18
62. Educators in the Faith and Prayer
The parents are the first heralds of the Gospel for their children, and for this, they have received the specific grace of the Sacrament of Matrimony to teach their children the truths of faith (beginning with a simple catechism), and to teach them to pray.19
Learning Stages
Parents, in particular, have the duty to let their children know about living Christian virtues and the mysteries of human life, because the family is, in fact, the best environment to accomplish the obligation of securing a gradual education.20
63. Four Principles Regarding Information about Sexuality
i) Each child is a unique and unrepeatable person and must receive individualized formation. Experience shows that this works out better when each parent communicates the biological, emotional, moral, and spiritual information to the child or young person of the same sex through a personal dialogue. Being aware of the role, emotions, and problems of their own sex, mothers have a special bond with their daughters, and fathers with their sons.
ii) The moral dimension must always be part of their explanations. Parents must insist on the positive value of chastity and its capacity to generate true love for other persons. Only a person who knows how to be chaste will know how to love in marriage or in virginity. From the earliest age, parents should gently correct such habits that could become sinful later, and, when necessary, teach modesty as the child grows. It is always important to justify the judgment on adequate, valid, and convincing grounds, both at the level of reason and faith, that is, in a positive framework with a high concept of personal dignity.
iii) The biological development of the children should always be accompanied by a growth of spiritual life, formation in chastity, and an ever-greater awareness of the dignity of each human person and his body. Parents can illustrate the positive values of human sexuality in the context of the person’s original vocation to love and the universal call to holiness. They should pass on to their children the conviction that chastity in one’s state in life is possible and that chastity brings joy. Therefore, they should teach them how to use the means to grow in the love of God and one’s neighbor, and to overcome any difficulties. These means are:
· guarding the senses and the mind,
· avoiding occasions of sin,
· the observance of modesty,
· moderation in recreation,
· good working habits,
· wholesome pursuits,
· avoiding idleness,
· organizing one’s life of piety,
· assiduous prayer,
· spiritual guidance or direction,
· frequent reception of the Sacraments of Penance and the Eucharist,
· devotion to the Immaculate Mother of God.
iv) Parents should provide this information with great delicacy, but clearly and at the appropriate time. Parents’ words should be neither too explicit nor too vague. Giving too many details to children is counterproductive. But delaying the first information for too long is imprudent, because every human person has natural curiosity in this regard and, sooner or later, children begin to ask themselves questions, especially in cultures where too much can be seen, even in public.21
64. Children’s Principal Stages of Development
64a) The Years of Innocence
One of Christian parents’ important duties is that of preparing their children, as soon as they reach an appropriate age, for the reception of the Sacraments of Penance and the Eucharist.
At this age, children cannot integrate premature sexual information with moral responsibility. Such information tends to shatter their emotional and educational development. In general, the first sexual information to be given to a small child does not deal with genital sexuality, but rather with pregnancy and the birth of a brother or sister. Parents can take advantage of this happy experience to communicate some simple facts about pregnancy, but always in the deepest context of wonder at the creative work of God, who wants the new life he has given to be cared for in the mother’s body, near her heart.22
64b) Puberty
Puberty, which constitutes the initial phase of adolescence, is a time of self-discovery of one’s own inner world, the time of generous plans, the time when the feeling of love awakens with the biological impulses of sexuality, the time of the desire to be together, and the time of particularly intense joy connected with the exhilarating discovery of life. But it is often also the age of deeper questioning, anguished or even frustrating searching, a certain mistrust of others and dangerous introspection, and sometimes the age of the first experiences of setbacks and disappointments. In this phase, the genital aspects in the context of procreation, marriage, and the family are educational matters of concern.
Instruction for both girls and boys should aim at pointing out the beauty of motherhood and the wonderful reality of procreation, as well as the deep meaning of virginity.
During puberty, the psychological and emotional development of boys can make them vulnerable to erotic fantasies, and they may be tempted to try sexual experiences. Parents should be close to their children and correct the tendency to use sexuality in a hedonistic and materialistic way.
To form their consciences, parents should teach their children that God has a project of love for every person, that moral law is positive and liberating, and that sin has caused a certain weakness in us. Thus, one should fight against natural bad inclinations; the main means is grace, which strengthens us on our path toward salvation. One’s conscience must not be confused with a vague subjective feeling or personal opinion.23
64c) Adolescence
The principal task of parents consists in imparting to their adolescent children a catechesis that leads them to grasp a genuinely Christian understanding of life. This catechesis must shed the light of the Christian message on those realities, which have greater impact on the adolescent, such as the meaning of bodily existence, love and the family, the standards to be followed in life, in work and in leisure, in justice and peace, and so on.
(1) A time of rebellion
Adolescence is a time of rebellion. Having previously depended totally on their parents, adolescents begin to acquire an awareness of their own autonomy. This rebelliousness is a natural tendency in all human beings and should not upset any sensible parent. It is a part of the process of maturation. At the same time, parents should remain attentive to help, respect, foster, and orient their children’s freedom, without accepting the frivolities and errors to which they are exposed.
Parents should be brothers and friends of their children, and, at the same time, bearers of a loftier truth and ideal. They should give their children the chance to open up their hearts confidently.
(2) Teaching how to be free
Parents should help adolescent children to understand that freedom is fundamentally the capacity of each person to live in accordance with laws and right reason, and that this great gift can be abused.
(3) Discovering one’s vocation
In terms of personal development, adolescence represents the period of self-projection and, therefore, the discovery of one’s vocation. Christian parents should educate their children for life in such a way that each one may fully perform his role according to the vocation that is received from God. The Church’s teaching on the sublime value of virginity and celibacy and the vocational meaning of marriage must never be lacking.24
(4) Patiently and affectionately
With regard to Christian life, parents have to give good example to their children and lead them with patient persuasion and affection. They should not, however, impose Christian obligations by force.
(5) Teaching purity
The example of the parents is especially decisive in adolescence, the phase when young people are looking for living examples and attractive behavior models. Since sexual problems become more evident at this time, parents should also help them to love the beauty and strength of chastity through prudent advice, highlighting the inestimable value of prayer and frequent fruitful recourse to the sacraments for a chaste life, especially personal confession.
Masturbation particularly constitutes a very serious disorder that is illicit in itself and cannot be morally justified. Therefore, adolescents should be helped to overcome manifestations of this disorder, which often express the inner conflicts of their age and, in many cases, a selfish vision of sexuality.
A particular problem that can appear during the process of sexual maturation is homosexuality. A distinction must be made between a tendency that can be almost innate, and acts of homosexuality that are intrinsically disordered and contrary to natural law.
In the face of what hedonistic groups propose, especially in affluent societies, it is very important to present to young people the ideals of human and Christian solidarity and concrete ways of being committed in Church associations, movements, and voluntary Catholic and missionary activities.
Friendships are very important in this period. Through loving and patient advice, parents will help young people to avoid an excessive closing in on themselves.25
64d) Toward Adulthood
The parents’ mission does not end when their children come of legal age; young people need help when they enter the working world or higher education.
By keeping a confident dialogue that encourages a sense of responsibility and respects their children’s legitimate and necessary autonomy, parents will always be their reference point, through both advice and example. Care should be taken that children do not discontinue their faith relationship with the Church.
In the period leading to engagement and in the choice of that preferred attachment that can lead to forming a family, the role of parents should not consist merely in prohibitions, much less in imposing the choice of a fiancé or fiancée.26
Practical Guidelines
65. Guidelines for Parents and Educators
For parents:
· Parents have the right to educate their children in conformity with their moral and religious conviction.
· Parents have the right to freely choose schools. The state and the Church have the obligation to give families all possible aid to enable them to properly perform their educational role. Public authorities must ensure that public subsidies are so allocated that parents are truly free to exercise this right without incurring unjust burdens.
· Parents have the right to ensure that their children are not compelled to attend classes that are not in agreement with their own moral and religious convictions. In particular, sex education is a basic right of the parents and must always be carried out under their close supervision, whether at home or in educational centers that are chosen and controlled by them.
· Parents must keep themselves informed on the programs, content, and methodology that are used to impart supplementary education to their children. The rights of parents are violated when they are forced to accept policies, educators, and programs that are contrary to the educational credo of the parents.
· If ideologies that are opposed to the Christian faith are taught in schools, the family must join with other families—through family associations, if possible—and with all its strength and wisdom help the young not to depart from the faith. In this case, the family needs special assistance from pastors of souls, who must never forget that parents have the inviolable right to entrust their children to the ecclesial community.
· Parents must be free to create study centers and to manage them. The state must be vigilant about the quality of schools and teachers, but cannot monopolize schools, programs of study, textbooks, etc.
· The family has the right to expect that the means of social communication will be positive instruments for the building up of society, and will reinforce the fundamental values of the family.27
These criteria are demanded by the respect for the dignity of the human person and not because of any particular religious persuasion. But these rights remain solely theoretical if the state does not subsidize private schools in a way that is similar to its subsidizing the public schools, whatever the specific system may be. An example of a fair system is the so-called scholastic allowance (or voucher program), in which each child is allocated the cost of one place at a public school. In this way, the parents will not find themselves, in practice, obliged to have recourse to the public school as the only feasible solution.28
For all educators:
· No educator—not even parents—can interfere with a child’s right to chastity (cf. Mt 18:4–7).
· Respect should be given to the right of the child and the young person to be adequately informed by their own parents on moral and sexual questions in a way that complies with his desire to be chaste and to be formed in chastity.
· Respect should be given to the right of the child or young person to withdraw from any form of sexual instruction that is imparted outside the home.29
66. Four Working Principles and their Particular Norms
Education for love can take concrete form in four working principles:
i) Human sexuality is a sacred mystery and must be presented according to the doctrinal and moral teaching of the Church, always bearing in mind the effects of original sin.
ii) Only information that is proportionate to each phase of their individual development should be presented to children and young people.
iii) No material of an erotic nature should be presented to children or young people of any age, individually or in a group.
iv) No one should ever be invited, let alone obliged, to act in any way that could objectively offend modesty or subjectively offend his own decorum or sense of privacy.30
67. Recommended Methods
· The normal and fundamental method of education is personal dialogue between parents and their children, that is, individual formation within the family circle.
· As couples or as individuals, parents can get together with others who are prepared for education for love to draw on their experience and competence. These people can offer explanations and provide parents with books and other resources that are approved by the ecclesiastical authorities. Parents who find it very difficult to face up to the problematic side of education for love can have meetings with their children, guided by these expert persons.
· In certain situations, parents can entrust part of education for love to another trustworthy person, if there are matters that require specific competence or pastoral care in particular cases.
· Catechesis on morality may be provided by other trustworthy persons, with particular emphasis on sexual ethics at puberty and adolescence. Parents should take an interest in the moral catechesis that is given to their own children outside the home and use it as a support for their own educational work. Such catechesis must not include the more intimate aspects of sexual information, whether biological or affective, which belong to individual formation within the family.
· The religious formation of the parents themselves—in particular, solid catechetical preparation of adults in the truth of love—builds the foundations of a mature faith that can guide them in the formation of their own children. This adult catechesis enables them not only to deepen their understanding of the community of life and love in marriage, but also helps them learn how to communicate better with their own children. To make parents capable of carrying out their educational work, special formation courses with the help of experts can be promoted.31
Footnotes:
1. Cf. GE, 3; John Paul II, Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 36.
2. Cf. Pontifical Council for the Family, Guidelines for Education within the Family, 40, 149.
3. Cf. Ibid., 50, 51.
4. Cf. John Paul II, Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 39.
5. Cf. John Paul II, Charter of the Rights of the Family, Oct. 22, 1983.
6. Cf. Pontifical Council for the Family, Guidelines for Education within the Family, 22, 23, 24, 25.
7. GE, 5.
8. GS, 35.
9. Cf. John Paul II, Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 37.
10. St. Josemaría Escrivá, Christ is Passing By, 27.
11. Ibid.
12. Cf. Pontifical Council for the Family, Guidelines for Education within the Family, 1, 47.
13. Cf. Ibid., 32, 115, 120, 149.
14. Cf. Ibid., 52, 53.
15. Cf. Ibid., 55, 58.
16. Cf. Ibid., 57.
17. Cf. Ibid., 59–60.
18. Cf. Ibid., 61.
19. Cf. Ibid., 62.
20. Cf. Ibid., 64.
21. Cf. Ibid., 65–75.
22. Cf. Ibid., 76.
23. Cf. Ibid., 87, 88, 92, 93, 95.
24. Cf. Ibid., 98–101.
25. Cf. Ibid., 102–104, 106–108.
26. Cf. Ibid., 109–111.
27. Cf. John Paul II, Charter of the Rights of the Family, Oct. 22, 1983; Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 40.
28. Cf. R. García de Haro, Marriage and the Family in the Documents of the Magisterium, 281.
29. Cf. Pontifical Council for the Family, Guidelines for Education within the Family, 118–120.
30. Cf. Ibid., 121–127.
31. Cf. Ibid., 128–134.