40. Pastoral Care of the Family
79. General Principles on the Pastoral Care of the Family
The purpose of pastoral care is to help couples in their growth toward the model of a family that the Creator intended from the beginning and that Christ has renewed with his redeeming grace. It is accomplished through a constant work of formation. This is a matter of fundamental significance, because the future of the world and the Church passes through the family.
79a) Stages of Pastoral Care
The Church’s Magisterium establishes the stages of pastoral care. This constant work of catechesis begins with the preparation for marriage, continues in its celebration, and later throughout the whole life of the spouses. Marriage preparation has to be seen and put into practice as a gradual and continuous process. The process includes three main stages:
i) Remote preparation begins in infancy and must show that marriage is a true vocation and mission, without excluding the possibility of the total gift of self to God in the vocation to celibacy for the Kingdom of God, to the priestly or religious life.
ii) Proximate preparation is directed to a more specific preparation for the sacraments, as it were, a rediscovery of them.
iii) Immediate preparation is aimed at discovering the richness of marriage. It must always be set forth and put into practice, but omitting it is not an impediment to the celebration of marriage.
The catechesis ought to be developed also in the celebration of marriage, inasmuch as this is an expression of the essentially ecclesial and sacramental nature of the conjugal covenant between the baptized, in such a way that it nourishes the dispositions of those who are getting married and, particularly, their faith.
Catechesis ought to accompany the spouses after the marriage, by helping them discover and live their new vocation and mission, so that they learn to accept their children and love them as a gift received from the Lord of life and joyfully help them in their human and Christian growth.
One should not fall into rash judgment by judging the lack of faith of those who wish to contract marriage, in such a way that the celebration would be unjustly delayed. A delay would be justified only if they show that they explicitly and formally reject what the Church intends to do when the marriage of baptized persons is celebrated.1
79b) Structures of Family Pastoral Care
Familiaris Consortio emphasizes the need to reach a deeper grasp of the truth, in such a way that the catechesis leads to a formation of consciences. Otherwise, the truth becomes a subjective feeling and does not become a source of life. Consciences must be correctly formed according to Christian values and not according to the standards of public opinion. The structures for the pastoral care of the family are:
· the ecclesial community (in particular, the parish),
· the family itself,
· associations of families.
80. Pastoral Care of the Family in Difficult Cases
A generous and intelligent pastoral commitment is required to help all those who find themselves—whether of their own fault or not—in difficult situations. The deepest causes of these situations should be studied and specific measures should be applied for each case. Such difficult circumstances, for example, are:
· the families of migrant workers,
· the families of those who are obliged to be away for long periods of times, such as members of the armed forces, sailors, and all kinds of itinerant people,
· the families of those in prison, refugees, and exiles,
· families in big cities living, practically speaking, as outcasts,
· families with no home,
· incomplete or single-parent families,
· families with children that are handicapped or addicted to drugs,
· families of alcoholics.
In cases of mixed marriages, attention must be paid to the obligations that faith imposes on the Catholic spouse with regard to the free exercise of the faith and the consequent obligation to ensure, as far as is possible, the baptism and upbringing of children in the Catholic faith. The Catholic spouse should be strengthened in faith and positively helped to mature in understanding and practicing the faith.2
81. Pastoral Action in Certain Irregular Situations
There are irregular situations that entail a falsification of love.
81a) Trial Marriages
Human reason leads one to see that trial marriages are unacceptable by showing the unconvincing nature of carrying out an “experiment” with human beings, whose dignity demands that they should be always and solely the object of a self-giving love without limitations of time or of any other circumstance.
81b) “Free” Unions
“Free” unions (or live-in partnerships) are unions without any publicly recognized institutional bond, either civil or religious. “Free” unions provoke grave religious and moral consequences (the loss of the religious sense of marriage seen in the light of the covenant of God with his people, deprivation of the grace of the sacrament, grave scandal), as well as social consequences (the destruction of the concept of the family, the weakening of the sense of fidelity, possible psychological damage to the children, the strengthening of selfishness).
The Church reaches out to couples in these sad situations, advising pastors to make tactful and respectful contact with them, enlighten them patiently, correct them charitably, and show them the witness of the Christian family life in order to smooth the path for them to regularize their situation.3
81c) Separated or Divorced Persons Who Have Not Remarried
Various reasons can unfortunately lead to the often irreparable breakdown of valid marriages. These include mutual lack of understanding and the inability to enter into interpersonal relationships. Obviously, separation must be considered as a last resort, after all other reasonable attempts at reconciliation have proved unsuccessful.
Loneliness and other difficulties are often the lot of separated spouses, especially when they are the innocent parties. The ecclesial community must support such people more than ever. It must give them much respect, solidarity, understanding, and practical help, so that they can preserve their fidelity even in their difficult situation. It must also help them to cultivate the need to forgive, which is inherent in Christian love, and to be ready, perhaps, to return to their former married life.
The situation is similar for people who have undergone civil divorce, but, being well aware that the valid marriage bond is indissoluble, refrain from becoming involved in a new union and devote themselves solely to carrying out their family duties and the responsibilities of Christian life. Here, it is even more necessary for the Church to offer continual love and assistance without there being an obstacle to admission to the sacraments.4
81d) Civil Marriages and Divorced Persons Who Have Remarried
The divorced and remarried are and remain members of the Church, because they have received Baptism and retain their Christian faith. The Church loves them and suffers because of their situation. The aim of pastoral action should be to make people who are entangled in civil marriage understand the need for consistency between their choice of lifestyle and the faith that they profess. Pastors should try to do everything possible to induce them to regularize their situation in the light of Christian principles.
Pastors and the whole community of the faithful should help the divorced so that they do not consider themselves as separated from the Church. They should be encouraged to listen to the word of God, attend the sacrifice of the Mass, persevere in prayer, contribute to works of charity and the community effort for justice, bring up their children in the Christian faith, and cultivate the spirit and practice of penance and thus implore, day by day, God’s grace. However, so long as the irregularity continues, Catholics who are involved in civil marriages cannot be admitted to the sacraments. This holds true not only for those who simply live together outside marriage but for all irregular unions, e.g., Catholics who have been united only in a civil ceremony, and divorced Catholics who have remarried.
The Church reaffirms her practice, which is based upon Sacred Scripture, of not admitting to Eucharistic Communion divorced persons who have remarried. In truth, they exclude themselves, since they place themselves in objective contradiction to the union of love between Christ and the Church. This love is signified and effected by the Eucharist. Besides this, there is another special pastoral reason: If these people were admitted to the Eucharist, the faithful would be led into confusion regarding the Church’s teaching about the indissolubility of marriage.5
For the same reasons, the Church forbids any pastor to perform ceremonies of any kind for divorced people who remarry. The Church, naturally, distinguishes carefully the case of those who have not caused this kind of situation but are rather its victims, while remaining faithful to their marriage vows. They should be praised for their example of fidelity and Christian consistency, which takes on particular value as a witness before the world and the Church.6
81e) Those without a Family
The Church is a home and family for everyone, especially for those who are homeless and live in conditions of extreme poverty. There is an urgent need to work courageously in order to find solutions at the economic, social, and political levels that will assist them in overcoming their inhuman conditions of degradation. For all, the Church reaffirms that “the future of humanity passes by way of the family.”7 And the Church reminds all to have recourse to the Holy Family of Nazareth, “the prototype and example for all Christian families.”8
81f) Pastoral Recommendations
Agents of pastoral care should help people who are involved in irregular situations with genuine love, but without making any compromises, which would only aggravate their condition. They should make use of:
· the solidarity of the whole community,
· the virtue of mercy respecting, at the same time, the truth of marriage,
· trust in God’s law and in the Church’s provisions, which lovingly protect marriage and the family,
· the virtue of hope.
Furthermore, the whole Christian community should support the fidelity to the Sacrament of Marriage by a constant commitment to:
· providing for the preparation and celebration of the sacrament,
· explaining the value and meaning of conjugal and family love,
· guiding each family member to improve his Christian life,
· encouraging separated or divorced couples to remain faithful to the duties of their marriage,
· promoting doctrinal formation of pastoral workers,
· praying for those who are experiencing difficulties in their marriage,
· distributing pastoral guidelines.
Pastors, relatives, and friends should help the couple to overcome these problems. Everything possible should be done to bring about reconciliation.
Spiritual guidance should be given to lead the couple to conversion. Priority should be given to the regularization of their situation.
Footnotes:
1. Cf. John Paul II, Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 66–69; R. García de Haro, Marriage and the Family in the Documents of the Magisterium, 376.
2. Cf. John Paul II, Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 77, 78.
3. Cf. Ibid., 80, 81.
4. Cf. Ibid., 83.
5. Cf. CCC, 1650.
6. Cf. John Paul II, Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 82–84.
7. Ibid., 86.
8. Ibid.; cf. R. García de Haro, Marriage and the Family in the Documents of the Magisterium, 380.
The purpose of pastoral care is to help couples in their growth toward the model of a family that the Creator intended from the beginning and that Christ has renewed with his redeeming grace. It is accomplished through a constant work of formation. This is a matter of fundamental significance, because the future of the world and the Church passes through the family.
79a) Stages of Pastoral Care
The Church’s Magisterium establishes the stages of pastoral care. This constant work of catechesis begins with the preparation for marriage, continues in its celebration, and later throughout the whole life of the spouses. Marriage preparation has to be seen and put into practice as a gradual and continuous process. The process includes three main stages:
i) Remote preparation begins in infancy and must show that marriage is a true vocation and mission, without excluding the possibility of the total gift of self to God in the vocation to celibacy for the Kingdom of God, to the priestly or religious life.
ii) Proximate preparation is directed to a more specific preparation for the sacraments, as it were, a rediscovery of them.
iii) Immediate preparation is aimed at discovering the richness of marriage. It must always be set forth and put into practice, but omitting it is not an impediment to the celebration of marriage.
The catechesis ought to be developed also in the celebration of marriage, inasmuch as this is an expression of the essentially ecclesial and sacramental nature of the conjugal covenant between the baptized, in such a way that it nourishes the dispositions of those who are getting married and, particularly, their faith.
Catechesis ought to accompany the spouses after the marriage, by helping them discover and live their new vocation and mission, so that they learn to accept their children and love them as a gift received from the Lord of life and joyfully help them in their human and Christian growth.
One should not fall into rash judgment by judging the lack of faith of those who wish to contract marriage, in such a way that the celebration would be unjustly delayed. A delay would be justified only if they show that they explicitly and formally reject what the Church intends to do when the marriage of baptized persons is celebrated.1
79b) Structures of Family Pastoral Care
Familiaris Consortio emphasizes the need to reach a deeper grasp of the truth, in such a way that the catechesis leads to a formation of consciences. Otherwise, the truth becomes a subjective feeling and does not become a source of life. Consciences must be correctly formed according to Christian values and not according to the standards of public opinion. The structures for the pastoral care of the family are:
· the ecclesial community (in particular, the parish),
· the family itself,
· associations of families.
80. Pastoral Care of the Family in Difficult Cases
A generous and intelligent pastoral commitment is required to help all those who find themselves—whether of their own fault or not—in difficult situations. The deepest causes of these situations should be studied and specific measures should be applied for each case. Such difficult circumstances, for example, are:
· the families of migrant workers,
· the families of those who are obliged to be away for long periods of times, such as members of the armed forces, sailors, and all kinds of itinerant people,
· the families of those in prison, refugees, and exiles,
· families in big cities living, practically speaking, as outcasts,
· families with no home,
· incomplete or single-parent families,
· families with children that are handicapped or addicted to drugs,
· families of alcoholics.
In cases of mixed marriages, attention must be paid to the obligations that faith imposes on the Catholic spouse with regard to the free exercise of the faith and the consequent obligation to ensure, as far as is possible, the baptism and upbringing of children in the Catholic faith. The Catholic spouse should be strengthened in faith and positively helped to mature in understanding and practicing the faith.2
81. Pastoral Action in Certain Irregular Situations
There are irregular situations that entail a falsification of love.
81a) Trial Marriages
Human reason leads one to see that trial marriages are unacceptable by showing the unconvincing nature of carrying out an “experiment” with human beings, whose dignity demands that they should be always and solely the object of a self-giving love without limitations of time or of any other circumstance.
81b) “Free” Unions
“Free” unions (or live-in partnerships) are unions without any publicly recognized institutional bond, either civil or religious. “Free” unions provoke grave religious and moral consequences (the loss of the religious sense of marriage seen in the light of the covenant of God with his people, deprivation of the grace of the sacrament, grave scandal), as well as social consequences (the destruction of the concept of the family, the weakening of the sense of fidelity, possible psychological damage to the children, the strengthening of selfishness).
The Church reaches out to couples in these sad situations, advising pastors to make tactful and respectful contact with them, enlighten them patiently, correct them charitably, and show them the witness of the Christian family life in order to smooth the path for them to regularize their situation.3
81c) Separated or Divorced Persons Who Have Not Remarried
Various reasons can unfortunately lead to the often irreparable breakdown of valid marriages. These include mutual lack of understanding and the inability to enter into interpersonal relationships. Obviously, separation must be considered as a last resort, after all other reasonable attempts at reconciliation have proved unsuccessful.
Loneliness and other difficulties are often the lot of separated spouses, especially when they are the innocent parties. The ecclesial community must support such people more than ever. It must give them much respect, solidarity, understanding, and practical help, so that they can preserve their fidelity even in their difficult situation. It must also help them to cultivate the need to forgive, which is inherent in Christian love, and to be ready, perhaps, to return to their former married life.
The situation is similar for people who have undergone civil divorce, but, being well aware that the valid marriage bond is indissoluble, refrain from becoming involved in a new union and devote themselves solely to carrying out their family duties and the responsibilities of Christian life. Here, it is even more necessary for the Church to offer continual love and assistance without there being an obstacle to admission to the sacraments.4
81d) Civil Marriages and Divorced Persons Who Have Remarried
The divorced and remarried are and remain members of the Church, because they have received Baptism and retain their Christian faith. The Church loves them and suffers because of their situation. The aim of pastoral action should be to make people who are entangled in civil marriage understand the need for consistency between their choice of lifestyle and the faith that they profess. Pastors should try to do everything possible to induce them to regularize their situation in the light of Christian principles.
Pastors and the whole community of the faithful should help the divorced so that they do not consider themselves as separated from the Church. They should be encouraged to listen to the word of God, attend the sacrifice of the Mass, persevere in prayer, contribute to works of charity and the community effort for justice, bring up their children in the Christian faith, and cultivate the spirit and practice of penance and thus implore, day by day, God’s grace. However, so long as the irregularity continues, Catholics who are involved in civil marriages cannot be admitted to the sacraments. This holds true not only for those who simply live together outside marriage but for all irregular unions, e.g., Catholics who have been united only in a civil ceremony, and divorced Catholics who have remarried.
The Church reaffirms her practice, which is based upon Sacred Scripture, of not admitting to Eucharistic Communion divorced persons who have remarried. In truth, they exclude themselves, since they place themselves in objective contradiction to the union of love between Christ and the Church. This love is signified and effected by the Eucharist. Besides this, there is another special pastoral reason: If these people were admitted to the Eucharist, the faithful would be led into confusion regarding the Church’s teaching about the indissolubility of marriage.5
For the same reasons, the Church forbids any pastor to perform ceremonies of any kind for divorced people who remarry. The Church, naturally, distinguishes carefully the case of those who have not caused this kind of situation but are rather its victims, while remaining faithful to their marriage vows. They should be praised for their example of fidelity and Christian consistency, which takes on particular value as a witness before the world and the Church.6
81e) Those without a Family
The Church is a home and family for everyone, especially for those who are homeless and live in conditions of extreme poverty. There is an urgent need to work courageously in order to find solutions at the economic, social, and political levels that will assist them in overcoming their inhuman conditions of degradation. For all, the Church reaffirms that “the future of humanity passes by way of the family.”7 And the Church reminds all to have recourse to the Holy Family of Nazareth, “the prototype and example for all Christian families.”8
81f) Pastoral Recommendations
Agents of pastoral care should help people who are involved in irregular situations with genuine love, but without making any compromises, which would only aggravate their condition. They should make use of:
· the solidarity of the whole community,
· the virtue of mercy respecting, at the same time, the truth of marriage,
· trust in God’s law and in the Church’s provisions, which lovingly protect marriage and the family,
· the virtue of hope.
Furthermore, the whole Christian community should support the fidelity to the Sacrament of Marriage by a constant commitment to:
· providing for the preparation and celebration of the sacrament,
· explaining the value and meaning of conjugal and family love,
· guiding each family member to improve his Christian life,
· encouraging separated or divorced couples to remain faithful to the duties of their marriage,
· promoting doctrinal formation of pastoral workers,
· praying for those who are experiencing difficulties in their marriage,
· distributing pastoral guidelines.
Pastors, relatives, and friends should help the couple to overcome these problems. Everything possible should be done to bring about reconciliation.
Spiritual guidance should be given to lead the couple to conversion. Priority should be given to the regularization of their situation.
Footnotes:
1. Cf. John Paul II, Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 66–69; R. García de Haro, Marriage and the Family in the Documents of the Magisterium, 376.
2. Cf. John Paul II, Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 77, 78.
3. Cf. Ibid., 80, 81.
4. Cf. Ibid., 83.
5. Cf. CCC, 1650.
6. Cf. John Paul II, Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 82–84.
7. Ibid., 86.
8. Ibid.; cf. R. García de Haro, Marriage and the Family in the Documents of the Magisterium, 380.